There’s nothing I love more than a good love story. I’m a sucker for it, really. Only lately…I’m seeing more and more love flops. People giving up when they shouldn’t, people not giving up when they should, and people tolerating a lot of stupid crap just because they’re together and don’t want to “give up”.
They get treated like crap 98% of the time, and they cling to the 2% of good times like it’s a lifeline and a reason to stick around.
They don’t realize that they are worth so much more than just 2%. They deserve to have it all…a great love story that is a safe place, a supportive place.
“Back in my day, people didn’t get divorced,” is something I’ve heard on repeat by everyone older than my parents. “You fixed what was broken.”
And maybe they did, but back then…men were different. Women were different. Times were different…
I’ve seen many relationships crumble before my eyes, that I often sit and wonder if I would realize my own relationship crumbling before my eyes. My biggest fear is that I would cloak myself in denial, and I don’t want to do that.
Times have changed. We, as women, no longer fear being “alone”. We know we are powerful beings, we know that we are the masters of our own happiness. We can achieve success without having the white picket fence and fresh loaf of bread in the oven. We are learning to be more accountable for our own self fulfillment. What makes one person happy, wouldn’t necessarily make another person happy.
There is no secret to marriage, to life. The only thing you can do is be happy…choose to be the best person you can every day, and know when to realize that the person you’re with isn’t helping you be that person.
Sometimes, the strongest thing you can do is walk away…even when it hurts. Even when people complain about how “everyone just gives up on marriage, it doesn’t mean the same thing it once did.”
Ignore the nay-sayers, because they’re right. Marriage doesn’t mean the same thing it once did. It’s not a binding contract of forever, at least not if that person IS the sickness.
If you’ve tried to walk hand in hand with your partner through life struggles, but have been met with resistance and child-like behavior…you don’t have to stick around for it. When you said your vows, you thought you were marrying an adult…not a child that you’d have to parent. You didn’t sign up for harsh words and put downs, to late nights of anxiety and heartbreak while you’re left wondering what went wrong as the resentment for the selfish person festers.
Love is not blind to blemishes and fault, love is seeing it all but still doing the best that you can, love is still wanting to. Nobody is perfect, and that’s quite alright.
Loving someone shouldn’t be a chore, and the day that it is…you have to sit back and re-evaluate things.
After reading this post over in my head, I feel like it hints towards trouble in paradise…my paradise. I must confess, while not every single day is perfect and happy, my marriage is pretty damn solid. I spend probably more time than I should thinking about marriage and why it does or doesn’t work for other people, and I do this because I’ve seen so many relationships end…including ones that directly affect me…and I guess I just want to make sure that I am mentally aware of everything that makes a relationship work and everything that makes it fail. I will not be blind to the faults in my relationship, I will not be that person that says “I never saw it coming“.
I happen to have a friend of mine that’s going through such a thing now, and seeing her hurting over her decision and the flack she gets from “concerned people” makes my blood boil and my thoughts run wild. We are literally telling people to stay in shitty, terrible relationships that borderline on abusive because the sanctity of marriage is at stake. We are telling people to settle for far less than they deserve, because they took those vows.
Marriage is important, but your happiness is important too…and if there is no middle ground, I should hope that you don’t feel chained to that unhappiness. If you’ve done all you can do, and it still isn’t enough…it’s stronger to seek out your own happiness.