I am an emotional person, I think anyone who knows me or who has been reading my blog for any length of time, no matter how small, knows that. It’s pretty obvious. It’s my best and my worst quality, my emotion. My passion.
Some days, I burn brightly. An all consuming fire of passion and ideas. Elated with all things.
Other days, I flicker dimly, on the verge of having my flame distinguished. Almost as if burning so hard and so bright has exhausted me.
My elation burns brightly, but so does my temper more often than not. I get angry easily, I lose patience easily, and I have trouble focusing…my thoughts constantly pulled every which way from things I should be doing and things I need to be doing, to random distractions of life.
Some days, I am incredible at multitasking. Other days…I’m not even close to functional.
What makes this frustration is that there is no even road, no steady current. It’s mountains and hills and the most uneven ground. Large highs and deep lows. It’s choppy waters at best, a tsunami at worst.
Some people are zen, some people are relaxed. I am neither. I’m always buzzing with some kind of intense emotion, but it aggravation or happiness. I would never be described as “calm” or “collected”.
Today, I am flickering dimly, on the verge of exhausting that light. So, I’m hiding away, wishing I could be steady and calm.