Do you ever feel like you’re being pulled in a thousand different directions? What you want to do, what you need to do, what you should do, how it should be, how it actually is?
Do you ever feel like there’s no right answer, there’s no solution where everybody wins and everybody is happy?
Do you ever feel like you leave destruction and mayhem in your wake, even when you don’t mean to…even when you just want to make it all better, make it all stop?
Do you ever wish you had the power to shut all those feelings of confusion, guilt and obligation aside just so you can get a spare moment to focus on what’s truly important to you? But you can’t, because time and time again you are reminded why you should be feeling all those feelings of guilt and obligation, and despite your confusion…you feel like your feet are encased in concrete and you are stuck somewhere that you don’t want to be.
I know where I want to be. I want to be in a happy place with those who do not hurt me. I want to be able to listen to what my husband is saying, what he has been saying forever, stuck on repeat because I can’t seem to hear him. I hear him, but I don’t because he is right but he is also wrong. I want to wash myself of all the guilt and negativity.
I just want things to be the way that they are supposed to be. I want to be the way I’m supposed to be, the way I want to and should be.
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In other news, we had to postpone the photoshoot for the book trailer and book teasers. It’s been raining and the grey skys wouldn’t have given us the lighting we needed for the photos we wanted.
However, I tried to distract my mind (which is currently on overdrive), so I made a couple of book teasers for Collide. I am new at this, so don’t judge too harshly. Here they are…
I’m sort of pleased with them. They’re good for having been made on my cell phone in an app called “Phonto” that allows you to put text over an image. The images are mine, the bottom two taken from my days living in North Bay, Ontario (where Collide takes place).
I know I’d be able to rock it all a little more if I had an awesome computer with awesome computer programs, but one day…one day I will.
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I’m hoping to get back into writing tonight or tomorrow. Today, we’re supposed to go on a family adventure. Nolan is playing hooky and we are taking a train to Toronto.
I’ve been on a vacation, letting things that are important to me be placed on the back burner so I could try to deal with and process other things.
It’s time to refocus.