On Motherhood & Social Awkwardness

Since becoming a mom and 2009, I have become even more socially awkward. So socially awkward that my sixteen year old self literally cringes with embarrassment whenever I have to socialize.

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I’ve never been very good at socializing. I’ve been told that “I am bubbly and enthusiastic”, but I get the sense that I am not those things in a good way. Maybe I’m a little bit endearing, my social awkwardness appearing cute thanks to the rise of socially awkward protagonists. But I feel like I’m mostly…awkward. Painfully so.

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I go out to a function, where I must interact and be social, and I hear myself doing and saying awkward things. Inappropriate things. I know what I want to say, how I want to act, but it never comes out the way I want.

I feel like my social awkwardness has gotten worse since the birth of my kids. My social anxiety is almost crippling now, which is why I say and do awkward things, because I panic. I mean, before…when I had to go out and do social things I’d usually just be drunk and wouldn’t notice how awkward I was.

Unfortunately, the majority of my responsibilities and engagements are inappropriate venues for drinking large amounts of alcohol (and I can’t just pass out on my friends couch, I have to drive home). Plus, I’ve got kids.

I think I could handle my social awkwardness and anxiety a little better if I contributed intelligent things to conversations instead of blurting out the first, and most times extremely dense sounding, thing that comes to mind. I promise I’m not dumb, I just sound it. Often. Because, panic.

I guess I’ll just have to get used to embarrassing the hell out of myself at social engagements, then not leaving the house for another week or two.

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About J.C. Hannigan

25. Mother. Wife. Lover of words. Weaver of stories. My first book, Collide, is available in e-book for Amazon Kindle and Kobo.
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5 Responses to On Motherhood & Social Awkwardness

  1. We are so alike it scares me! I wish you lived next door. I feel the same exact way. Social awkwardness tribe unite!

  2. Gerry says:

    See, I’ve always just shut down in social situations, because of my shyness. Many many years ago, during and just after high school, there were times I couldn’t bring myself to talk to people at all. It was painful to go through and I’m sure, watch. I still have moments of that freeze up once in a blue moon. Have you ever seen the movie Pump Up The Volume, with Christian Slater? He talks about this very thing in that movie and it hit home. Anyway, over the years, I wouldn’t say I’ve gotten over it, but I just stopped caring as much. I had some drug experiences in my 20s that were positive and changed my life in a lot of ways. Plus, the older I get (I’m 41 now) the less I care what anyone thinks of me, other than my daughters. That’s not to say I’m not still awkward. My defense is humor and it usually winds up being highly inappropriate and usually offensive to somebody. But whatever. Anyway, it’s a work in progress for those of that are awkward.

  3. It gets really interesting once your kids are old enough to be embarrassed by you. Mine’s 14. Oh, joy! I believe that all teenagers find their parents embarrassing. More so, when we actually can be embarrassing. Oops! Did I just say that? Why, yes, I did.

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