I’ve been pretty occupied lately. I wouldn’t say busy, because although I’ve been doing a lot of, well, things…I’ve not been doing enough to be “busy”, just “occupied”. My mind is occupied with a hundred various thoughts and worries, and my day is occupied with parenting, cleaning, running my Scentsy business and getting some writing done. I’m tired when I go to bed and my mind rarely shuts off long enough for me to feel “rested”.
I’m anxious and on edge, my brow constantly furrowed with perpetual frustration.
I’m trying to calm down, to turn off the thoughts and worries and anxieties, but if only it were that easy. Of course it isn’t. It couldn’t be.
I find myself shutting down often. It’s a side effect to caring too much. When it gets to be too much, you shut it off because it becomes too big and complicated to process. It doesn’t mean you don’t care, because you do…you just can’t find a way to break through your own emotions to reach out and make a difference. Your head races with thoughts, things you could say or do, but you remain stuck in shut down mode.
I feel like I’m trudging through sludge. Thick, gooey sludge. Each step is an effort.
I’m wary, emotionally and physically. I need a rest, a way to rejuvenate my spirits. I feel like I’m no good to anyone when stuck in this sludgy mess.