When I published my first book (like, you know, four days ago or whatever), one of the biggest things I worried about was what it would mean for my blog.
You see, since 2005, I have used this blog as a place to pour out bits and pieces of my heart and soul in each post. I am an incredibly emotional person. I have a lot of thoughts buzzing around in my head. I’ve always prided myself in being honest with my posts and what I was feeling. I don’t really hide, when I’m having a bad day [with depression, anxiety, parenting…whatever], I tend to write about it. I do this for numerous reasons, one of them being for myself. I enjoy it. I’m also passionate about breaking the stigma of mental illness, and being open about my struggles as a person with a mental illness is a big part of who I am. Blogging about what it’s like to life with chronic pain is also important to me. If I help even one person by sharing what I experience, then I’ve made a change…however slight. A ripple effect.
My blog has seen quite a few name changes since 2005, but when I landed on The Fevered Pen, I was determined to keep it no matter what. Now…well…now I’m considering a change, sort of.
They say it’s good to have a platform where your readers can get up to date information on your book releases (as if Facebook and Twitter weren’t enough), but I was nervous about openly connecting my blog to my writing (of books). I worried I would lose the ability to speak my truth, especially when I realized that people I interact with semi-daily would be able to read my thoughts.
You feel striped raw at this notion, exposed. It’s a liberating and yet terrifying feeling. I don’t want to lose the authentic tone, the honesty in my personal stories, out of fear of who’s reading. I don’t want to be afraid that I’ll be judged for how I handle a situation, or how I felt about a situation, or what decision lead me to where I am. But…I suppose I already am, aren’t I?
I have contemplated a name change, to J.C. Hannigan, but…I’m still not sure on that front. The Fevered Pen is still a part of who I am. The writing fever still lives on, just in more ways now.
So for now, things will remain the same…well, kind of.