The Getting There

I’ve been kind of stuck in this awkward, weird, depressing, and almost painful limbo. All the things I want to do, I can’t…at least not right now. Which makes me feel kind of bummed out and a whole lot restless.

Do you ever feel like you aren’t really living? That you’re just completing mindless tasks, coasting through each and every day and feeling like a complete failure for it?

I don’t feel this way all the time, just….most of the time.

I want to start doing things, I want to start living. And I know, the easy solution is to start doing them…but unfortunately, there’s more to it than that. Everything costs money. All the great adventures, all the journeying to get where you want to go, you’ve gotta pay for it in order to do it.

Hot summer days were meant for camping and lake trips, beaches and drive ins, zoos and road trips. We’ve done some stuff…but I keep feeling like, it’s not enough. I’m not doing enough. I’m not enough.

And I know, to an extent, it’s all in my head. I have these unreasonably high expectations. But even though I know that, it’s still hard to get over. It’s exhausting to battle it out with myself.

So, that’s where my head is at now. Where’s your head at?

P.S I’m sorry for all the negative toned posts. I’m not consistently negative but I think I’m more likely to write about my negative stuff because I allow myself to wallow. On my happy, positive days, I’m too busy enjoying the fact that I’m happy.

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About J.C. Hannigan

25. Mother. Wife. Lover of words. Weaver of stories. My first book, Collide, is available in e-book for Amazon Kindle and Kobo.
This entry was posted in anxiety, bits and pieces, blogging, depression, musings, personal, struggles, verbal diarrhea, words and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to The Getting There

  1. Gerry says:

    It’s all living, though. I get what you’re saying because it’s true: everything costs money. But at the end of the day, memories are about time spent with your loved ones. That does not have to be anything big and honestly, the great memories rarely are about anything big.

  2. tierney says:

    Hey! Haven’t posted in a bit but this hit home. I go through so many ups and downs (which I’ve recognized to be linked to my pain). Right now I’m in a down because of added pain so I feel ya. As a summer nanny (finally got a teaching job, yay!), I’m the queen of cheap and easy. Helps make me feel productive and the days go by quicker. Have you ever thought to buy an entertainment book? They’re $20 or so and can be bought online. There are SO many two for ones so with your two boys it’s totally worth it. Everything from zoo coupons, local museums, restaurants, mini put, etc. Those books are a life saver for me. They help to give ideas and do it on the cheap plus keep the kids entertained. Also, just a suggestion- have you looked into taking the boys to a local indoor pool at the rec centre? They have kid pools that are shallow and warm and provide life vests. Also, family rate here is $8. This could even help with your pain because of the warm water! Anyways, just trying to offer some suggestions. I feel like we’re living parallel lives sometimes hah. Hope this helps!!

    • Jess says:

      Those are all fantastic ideas…I need to look into them. As for the pool, I am ashamed to admit I’ve avoided it because of my feet…heh. I need to get them swimming lessons, but Nolan refuses to get in a pool anyway. Both my kids prefer the lakes and I’m hesitant about putting out limited moneys on activities they may not even do..

      I’m checking out a martial arts gym with Nolan this week. It’s free until the teacher and child decide if it’s something the child can and is interested in doing 🙂

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