Don’t forget to spew your negative opinions!

You know how you could be really super excited about something, and then someone comes along and just craps all over it? They could mean well, but they hardly ever come across that way.

Let’s talk about me for a minute, about pregnancies and the decision to get Bane. Let’s talk about those people who expressed a worry over my health. 

The general speech went a little something like this: “Are you sure you can handle this? After all, you suffer daily chronic pain, and often need surgeries etc. Do you really want to add more to your plate?”

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I’m not going lie, that kind of…reaction, to pretty much any decision I’ve ever made…well, it pisses me off. I know that the majority of them mean well, but it is so detrimental to constantly crap negativity on someone, regardless your intent.

I don’t make decisions lightly, contrary to popular belief. I actually weigh the pros and cons of things, and obviously…my physical disability and chronic pain is always present on pretty much every list I ever make.

But I live with this. You don’t. That right there means I get to decide what’s worth it to me. Yes, having two kids and a dog can be difficult on my bad pain days…but I still wouldn’t change that because they give me so much more than I can even communicate in this post born from frustration and sleep deprivation. On my bad pain days, we all take it easy. They are content to stay home and cuddle.

The thing is…I manage my pain. I make adjustments to what I can and can not do, and I usually don’t ask for help. I will occasionally, because even physically healthy people need a good old fashion break from their kids every now and then.

I’ve noticed something, though…this doesn’t just happen to me. It happens to every other person out there who doesn’t live life “off the grid”. When people share things, especially on social media, it apparently gives everyone else the right to spew their negative opinions about what they should/shouldn’t be doing.

In the past, when I’ve complained about how someone I don’t even know from the Internet said something negative about a decision I made, I’ve been told that “that’s what you get by sharing your life”. Um…how lame is that? People are literally sticking their noses where they do not belong, under the excuse that “oh, well, they shared it online so they obviously were asking for my indepth opinion on why I think it’s a terrible idea”.

No, actually. When I share things online, I am sharing my joys, my struggles, and my frustrations but I am usually not asking for your opinions unless I outright say that. I didn’t write a blog post asking for a general vote on whether or not I should have a second baby or get a dog for my family, but people still acted like I was asking for their opinion when I announced the news.

Can we just admit something? Can we admit that when we toss in our unmerited, unwanted opinion about something to someone we hardly know, that we are crossing a line and being incredibly rude? Heck, it’s still rude even if we know them in real life. Can we just…own that it’s rude? Please?

Can we remember the fact that what I would is very different from what you would do? Can we acknowledge that although I share a lot of my life online, that I don’t share every bit of it? You don’t know how much I can handle and I don’t know how much you can handle so let’s all just give high fives and hugs when news is announced instead of crapping negative shit like birds on an overhead wire.

P.S. This post isn’t directed at anybody in particular, just a random spewing of things I’ve come to realize as I get older.

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About J.C. Hannigan

25. Mother. Wife. Lover of words. Weaver of stories. My first book, Collide, is available in e-book for Amazon Kindle and Kobo.
This entry was posted in bits and pieces, blogging, depression, drama, embarrassing myself, exhaustion, feelings, frustrations, honesty, just thoughts, living with chronic pain, MHE, musings, personal, uncensored, verbal diarrhea, words, writing and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

14 Responses to Don’t forget to spew your negative opinions!

  1. Yo, everyone and their negative-ass opinions can go (in the words of my great friend and partner in crime) eat a dick.

  2. Aussa Lorens says:

    Haha oh yes– I’ve definitely endured my fair share of people not approving of my actions or decisions. Like quitting school and my job to go backpack in Asia for 9 months. That was considered a less than wise choice. But that’s from people who even if they “know” me they didn’t know what was going on in my head… why I had to escape… and they can’t ever fully comprehend how that decision may have saved my life. No one else gets access to another person’s brain– which is exactly why they should keep their unsolicited opinions to themselves, ha.

  3. Happens a lot in our house – Are you sure? Did you do such and so? As if I don’t have a brain to think things through for myself. Yes, I’m sure, yes, I considered such and so and please give me some credit! [grumble]
    You might like this headline from the Toronto Star http://www.thestar.com/news/gta/2014/05/16/swearing_is_actually_good_for_you_study_finds.html#

    • Jess says:

      I love the “why don’t yous”. They make me giggle. Or “you shouldn’t”…last I checked, I was an adult managing my own life. Unless you’re gonna pay my bills, you don’t get a say. Heck, if you wanna pay my bills I’ll let ya dress me! Hahaha

      Great article and so goddamn true. Swearing makes me feel better!

  4. Ugh. I was thinking just this morning about how just because social media gives everyone a voice, doesn’t mean that they should use it. It seems like online people feel so much freer to say things that they normally wouldn’t say to someone’s face. Frustrating.

    It’s even worse when you’re a blogger and you put things out there for public consumption. It seems as if people feel that they know everything there is to know about a person and their situation in life just because they blog about it. Which, as we know, is SO NOT TRUE. I once lost a real-friend (who also read my blog) who verbally attacked me because of a very personal decision my then-fiancé (now husband) had made, because SHE DIDN’T AGREE WITH IT. Then tried to justify the attack. Um….seriously? I ended up cutting her out of my life (something I don’t do lightly) because real friends don’t do that kind of thing. But social media gave her a sense of being “entitled to an opinion” on my life and my choices.

    Whatever happened to that old saying, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all?”

    heh. Now you’ve got ME all fired up about this topic again! lol

    • Jess says:

      It’s true though! What happened to just being happy for people if they are happy, and being supportive but QUIET when they are not? Everybody has bad days. Doesn’t mean they made a grave mistake haha. That really sucks, about your ex-friend. Who needs people like that.

      • Well, and here’s the thing….even if we ARE making big mistakes, it’s OUR choice! It’s OUR lives! Unless we’re truly endangering the lives of our children then people need to butt out, plain and simple….

        Besides, my mistakes in life have been the best learning tools! We all need to have the space to make our decisions…sometimes we succeed, sometimes we fail, but it’s our own personal journey. No one really has the right to judge that. Or if they DO judge it, they need to keep quiet about it. 😉

      • Jess says:

        I completely agree!!

  5. Yep, sounds so familiar. I get my share of haters because, according to them, my writing isn’t an actual career and I should go get a real job. Whatever—the only person I have to please is me. Easier said than done when they’re making negative comments under their breath or rolling their eyes… but yeah. 😛

    • Jess says:

      I’ve yet to get that lol. Of course, I’m “just a stay-at-home mom” in most peoples eyes and it’s “cute” that I’m writing books now. Hah.

      I can’t wait to PUBLISH it. I need to message you later about the kindle thing. 😉

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