You know how you could be really super excited about something, and then someone comes along and just craps all over it? They could mean well, but they hardly ever come across that way.
Let’s talk about me for a minute, about pregnancies and the decision to get Bane. Let’s talk about those people who expressed a worry over my health.
The general speech went a little something like this: “Are you sure you can handle this? After all, you suffer daily chronic pain, and often need surgeries etc. Do you really want to add more to your plate?”
I’m not going lie, that kind of…reaction, to pretty much any decision I’ve ever made…well, it pisses me off. I know that the majority of them mean well, but it is so detrimental to constantly crap negativity on someone, regardless your intent.
I don’t make decisions lightly, contrary to popular belief. I actually weigh the pros and cons of things, and obviously…my physical disability and chronic pain is always present on pretty much every list I ever make.
But I live with this. You don’t. That right there means I get to decide what’s worth it to me. Yes, having two kids and a dog can be difficult on my bad pain days…but I still wouldn’t change that because they give me so much more than I can even communicate in this post born from frustration and sleep deprivation. On my bad pain days, we all take it easy. They are content to stay home and cuddle.
The thing is…I manage my pain. I make adjustments to what I can and can not do, and I usually don’t ask for help. I will occasionally, because even physically healthy people need a good old fashion break from their kids every now and then.
I’ve noticed something, though…this doesn’t just happen to me. It happens to every other person out there who doesn’t live life “off the grid”. When people share things, especially on social media, it apparently gives everyone else the right to spew their negative opinions about what they should/shouldn’t be doing.
In the past, when I’ve complained about how someone I don’t even know from the Internet said something negative about a decision I made, I’ve been told that “that’s what you get by sharing your life”. Um…how lame is that? People are literally sticking their noses where they do not belong, under the excuse that “oh, well, they shared it online so they obviously were asking for my indepth opinion on why I think it’s a terrible idea”.
No, actually. When I share things online, I am sharing my joys, my struggles, and my frustrations but I am usually not asking for your opinions unless I outright say that. I didn’t write a blog post asking for a general vote on whether or not I should have a second baby or get a dog for my family, but people still acted like I was asking for their opinion when I announced the news.
Can we just admit something? Can we admit that when we toss in our unmerited, unwanted opinion about something to someone we hardly know, that we are crossing a line and being incredibly rude? Heck, it’s still rude even if we know them in real life. Can we just…own that it’s rude? Please?
Can we remember the fact that what I would is very different from what you would do? Can we acknowledge that although I share a lot of my life online, that I don’t share every bit of it? You don’t know how much I can handle and I don’t know how much you can handle so let’s all just give high fives and hugs when news is announced instead of crapping negative shit like birds on an overhead wire.
P.S. This post isn’t directed at anybody in particular, just a random spewing of things I’ve come to realize as I get older.