It Was…


Yesterday was a hard day. I didn’t rock it like I thought I would. Our adventure downtown didn’t happen, because it was raining. I also had to battle the ant issue, and prepare for the arrival of our new working refrigerator.

My pain was extremely high. My ankles were swollen (especially my right one…it’s still swollen) and my patience was naturally low. In addition, I was sad. Very sad. I missed Matt, a lot. Nolan was saying difficult things, like cuddling me and calling me “Daddy” because I’m doing all the things that daddy does and it’s really cool (so said he). I felt lonely. It seemed like nobody wanted to come over and hang with me. It just…was a generally bad day.


There were good notes in it too, though. The snuggling the boys and I did on the couch, for example. I had Nolan curled up beside me and Archer stretched out on my lap with his legs toward my face. We watched Wreck-It Ralph. Those snuggles made my heart feel a lot better.

It was also good seeing my dad and my sister. They both couldn’t stay long, but it was good. Another good thing was Kim coming over around dinner. She saw how sore I was and took over finishing the sides I was making to go along with the crock pot ham. I also may or may not have cried a little because I was so overwhelmed/exhausted/sore.

Part of my problem was not getting to talk to Matt all day. I’m used to literally having him by my side or near by. I’m used to seeing him off to work and knowing he’ll be home by a certain time. I’m used to him stepping in to give me a much needed mental break.


Despite how I was feeling, I kept trying to choose happiness. We are blessed with this opportunity. We are blessed to have one another.

It got easier after the kids were in bed, when Matt called. We talked for a bit, and he confessed how difficult it is for him to be out there. Not that I want him suffering, but I’m relieved to know the aches are not just on my side…you know?

After we got off the phone, I decided to work on my novel. The lovely Tara finished editing my Collide manuscript, and it was time to pony on with the e-release.


Only when I booted up my computer for the first time in weeks, I was greeted by the blue screen of death.

This, according to my computer expert friend, means my hard drive is either dead, dying, or there’s something seriously wrong with it. His advice: get it in to a repair shop stat to see if they can back up all my files.

I’ll admit, he warned me to back everything up ages ago. But money was tight and I couldn’t justify spending 60+ dollars on a backup hard drive to put everything on. Now I realize my grave mistake. While my Collide manuscript is safe, my other works in progress may not be. I’m nearly 8k words into Damaged Goods, and probably nearly 15k into the sequel of Collide. I hope to God I can get at least those works back, and that’s ignoring the other 7 plot outlines I have on there.

People, don’t make the same mistake I did…back up your work. Always. Computers suck and their lifetime is less than a hamsters.

What does this mean for the release of Collide? Well…I have three options. I can either try and get my computer in ASAP, or buy a new one. Neither of those options are really affordable at this point. The goal with Matt’s spending is to get out of debt, not get into more debt, and I don’t think I could complete either of those options and get Collide uploaded as an e-book by the intended release date of May 17th.

But, I’m still going to try. And in more happy news, I have a friend drawing up some illustrations for the cover to Collide. I’m excited to see what she comes up with, and excited to have a one of a kind cover. Regardless of whether or not I get it out there on the intended release date, I can’t wait to share it with you all. I’m so proud of this book!

When I finally get things sorted out with the computer issue, I’m going to create some giveaways and what not for the release celebration of Collide. I obviously need to wait until those details are nailed down, but the stuff I have in mind…oh buddy. What fun!


About J.C. Hannigan

25. Mother. Wife. Lover of words. Weaver of stories. My first book, Collide, is available in e-book for Amazon Kindle and Kobo.
This entry was posted in bits and pieces, blogging, challenges, chronic pain, Collide, complaining, happenings, honesty, life lessons, living with chronic pain, Matt, me, musings, pain, personal, the difficult, updates, verbal diarrhea, words, writing and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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