Pull Cord

A lot of the time, I have my blinders on. I run on auto pilot. Things get to be too much, and I shut down. I coast, the engine seizing in my boat so that all I can do is drift upon the waves and wait for assistance.

It’s hard to not seek out help from other people, when it feels like you are incapable of getting that engine started on your own. The time comes when you need to learn the quirks of your boats engine. When you need to grease it up and yank the pull cord with your own hands. When you have no choice but to keep trying, keep building the muscles in your arms so you can do it quickly and hard and get it started again.

It’s your choice, you could either learn how to do this yourself…or stay adrift. You may have someone else yank the pull cord, but they can’t always do it for you so you need to learn how to do it yourself.

I’m learning how to yank the pull cord of my own boat without assistance. It makes you feel helpless when you constantly depend on others to do it for you, so I make a point of trying not to do that. The knowledge of handling your own self is powerful. There’s nothing wrong in getting help from others, but the key is to not hold them responsible for your happiness and to recognize that you are in charge of your own happiness, what happens to you is up to you. You can’t hold somone else accountable for not wanting or being able to pull the cord of your happiness boat.

I know it’s easier said than done, especially if you suffer from mental illness. Lord knows I’ve been there…but you are not alone.

Talk about your boat engine, aka…your depression. Talk about it and other people who suffer the same engine troubles can offer you advice and share in the knowledge of what it’s like. But learn how to pull your cords, if only for the knowledge and ability on how to function.


About J.C. Hannigan

25. Mother. Wife. Lover of words. Weaver of stories. My first book, Collide, is available in e-book for Amazon Kindle and Kobo.
This entry was posted in anxiety, bits and pieces, blogging, challenges, depression, figuring it out, health/medical, life as I know it, life lessons, me, musings, reality, struggles, words, writing and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Pull Cord

  1. I feel the exact same way. I want to be more self-sufficient. It’s hard when you have a mental illness though. Because you often feel dependent on other people for support. But yes, it’s great if you can feel more independent. It’s a balance.

    • Jess says:

      Very much so. Sometimes, things aren’t in balance. But I also want to learn how to be more self-sufficient, so it’ll be good to learn how to rebalance the scales.

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