Every once in a while, I find myself thinking about people from the past. Friendships that have disintegrated with time and change of interests…people who impacted my life so much back then, but are not a part of it now. I think about the people who were major players “back in the day”, more so than I do the people that didn’t impact me, save to provide regrets of having spent any time on them at all.
The people who did leave a lasting impact on me will enter my thoughts when I hear or see something that reminds me of them. A song, a movie, a scent. I wonder how they’re doing, I wonder if they, too, ever think of me…and what kind of weight I have on their thoughts. Did I also impact their life? How so? Was it a positive thing or a negative? Am I the “one that got a way” to them, or just a regret?
I have people I miss and people I’ll never miss. The people I miss, I could never hang out with now because we’ve changed so much that it wouldn’t be like hanging out with them like it was, back then. I have tried a few times, and it was strange. It was almost the friendship I missed, but not quite. I am not the same person. I am not longing for past relationships in that way, but I do miss the familiarity of the friendships I had above all else with these people from the past. I just wonder what I meant to them all then and what thoughts of me mean now…if that makes sense.
I suppose I wonder because it’s human nature to wonder. It’s human nature to want to feel important, and I want to feel important in memories.
Sometimes, I do long for those missed friendships….especially the ones that I don’t understand why they ended. I understand why my past relationships ended, because they were not meant to be…because something better was in the works for me. Because it’s not all that easy to return to friendship grounds with someone you were once “intimate” with. Especially if that person isn’t really worth the headache, despite how important they used to be…they just aren’t anymore. The world has shifted, turned towards bigger and brighter things.
But the friendships that, in my opinion, didn’t need to end…sting. The ones where the person lives near me, but so suddenly cut me out of their life. I’ve foolishly attempted get togethers in hopes of rekindling those friendships, but being shut down time after time left a nasty taste of rejection in my mouth. Time and distance, different morals, different prorities and different places in life truly affect all kinds of friendships, even ones that were built upon common ground. When the common ground changes, it’s inevitable that the friendship would change. It’s sad when it happens, but I understand why…even if I miss that person and that friendship. I will always hold warm feelings to each of the people I’ve lost to ever changing circumstances, because they once stood as important people in my life.
Each person you interact with adds something to your life…even if they are no longer a part of your life. They added something, some lesson or memory that is forever imprinted on your soul. I’ve learned so much from the people in my past, and they are the reason I interact the way I do with the people of today.
So, I wonder what thoughts they hold of me…or if they even think of me.