I know. Some of you are reading that title and thinking…what? How can she say that! She’s so open and honest [on her blog]!
I’ll let you in on a little secret: that’s not me. Not really, anyway. I mean, I try very hard to be open and honest but in real life…I can’t seem to get the words from my brain to make sense when they come out of my speak hole. I can’t articulate my feelings and thoughts very well, especially when I’m feeling depressed, anxious or stressed.
The thing is…there’s just so much to say and so many ways to say it, that I get overwhelmed when trying to explain myself. I always say the wrong thing, use the wrong words. Conversation is harder than blogging (or texting). You can’t hit backspace on what you said when it doesn’t make sense, when it doesn’t fit or when it comes across as too harsh.
And so, I find myself unable to speak. Unable to express myself. I don’t like hurting people with my words, and I tend to do that. I throw out words without thought, only I can’t perfect or change them once they’re spoken. They’re already out there.
I can type. I can write. I can express my innermost feelings and thoughts this way, I can articulate them easily. I can proofread them to make sure that what I’ve written is what I’m meaning to say. This is why I resort to “text fighting” with people. It’s not that I’m so impersonal that I can’t give someone the respect of a face to face conversation, it’s that I know I can’t speak during that conversation. I can’t find the right words by talking. I’m afraid I’ll do more damage than good.
I know a lot of people take offense to that…method of communication. But I don’t. Sometimes, it’s the best way to hash out your feelings. So don’t get too pissed off if a spouse, family member or friend is resorting to texting or emailing to discuss their feelings.