I’m having a very bad, no good, terrible day. My pain levels are high, extremely so. In addition to the after surgery pains and the pain of having staples and stitches tugging on my tender skin, it’s damp outside. Dampness equals more pain for me.
I’m miserable. I’m prone to tears and my temper is short. I just want to crawl under a blanket and hide, only we have too many things to do today.
Nolan has two birthday parties to attend. One is about 40 minutes away at a play place. I’m sure the parents of the kid have already fronted the cost per kid, and I RSVP’d with yes. Now? It’s looking like we’ll have to last minute cancel that one. We don’t really have the gas, and we certainly can’t afford to pay an additional fee for Archer to go, as there’s absolutely no way that I will be able to handle Archer by myself (and we can’t find help. And that’s my fault because I’m stubborn).
Chronic pain sucks. Not to be melodramatic, but sometimes…I feel like it’s ruining my life. Even when I’m not recovering from surgeries, I have days like today when my pain is so bad that I have to bail on my plans and disappoint everyone around me. It’s very disheartening to not be able to do the things that you want to do, because your pain is so great. It breaks my heart and the guilt overwhelms me. Nolan’s incredibly upset that he can’t go to his classmates birthday party. I feel insanely terrible that I RSVP’d and now we cannot attend.
This kind of thing doesn’t happen often because I am generally very good at organizing our schedules and budgeting for things. When it does happen, I feel tremendously guilty about it. Especially when I cannot find the invitation to call and explain why (which, as luck would have it… I can’t find).
I feel sad that I have disappointed Nolan. He was looking forward to it. I feel guilty that I RSVP’d and now cannot attend (or, apparently, call and say why).