Unbalanced

I have a lot of things on my plate right now. I am recovering from a surgery, and I’m still not up to par. I need a cane to get around and cannot do all that I could do before (which wasn’t much, but it was more than what I’m able to do now).

I’m working my Scentsy business, which is fairly easy to do from the couch but I had to reschedule some parties because I could not stand or walk around (or lift my display).

I’m writing the sequel to Collide, whilst awaiting word from literacy agencies on the first book. The sequel is coming along nicely, and I’m excited to hopefully have both works published one day soon.

I have been taking advantage of my recovery, since I can’t really chase the boys around anyway. I’ve needed to, I’ve had to distract myself so that the state of my chaotic house wouldn’t stress me out, and so that I wouldn’t reflect upon the fact that I’m not spending March Break how I wanted to. What better way to deal with guilt than to throw myself into my work projects? Right now, anyway.

I was excited for Nolan’s first March Break. Before I knew the date of my last minute surgery, I was hoping to have a fun week of sledding, ice skating, going to the local indoor play ground, and maybe even hitting up the Science Centre once. Now that I can’t walk (or put a shoe or boot over my foot), our March Break hasn’t been what I envisioned. We have spent too many days inside, playing with legos and watching movies, when I really wanted to spend the week doing fun activities outside the home.

Matt is exhausted and run down. The kids haven’t given him a moments respite and I can’t step in to allow him some peace and quiet. I won’t lie, I’ve tried. But Archer senses my weakness and fully takes advantage of it. He nearly gave me a heart attack when he calmly walked into the living room holding a goddamn butchers knife that he’d managed to get from the locked drawer when I sent Matt out to have a quick smoke. Thankfully, Matt came in just as I was coaxing Archer to surrender it (and the knives went up even higher).

I had a knee surgery when Nolan was 13 months old. The worst he did was start walking and running, making chasing him (while I hobbled around on crutches) difficult. I do not recall Nolan ever going after butcher knives, nor do I recall having a lock on the drawer the knives were in. Archer is a different breed of child though.

In addition to all that stuff, Matt is leaving for Regina in 19 days. I have no idea if I’m going to be on my feet fully by that time, but I suppose I’ll deal with that bridge when I need to hobble across it.

I know I definitely won’t have as much time to write or to focus on my Scentsy business, so that’s why I’m investing a lot into it right now. That and it’s a perfect way to breathe fire into my dreams and feel accomplished at the end of the day.

Recovery from surgeries is hard. If you don’t give yourself something to do, you end up not doing much of anything and go to bed feeling terrible about it. Or at least,  that’s how it is for me. I actually wrote an entire 50,000 young adult novel when I was 16, recovering from a major hip surgery. That writing project ended up in the trash bin. Pain killers made it…well. Trash bin worthy.

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I’m still going to stick to my rough plan of writing at least 1000 words per day (for the sequel of Collide). As for my Scentsy business, it’s easy to do stuff from home, with kids in tow. My main goal there is to have one basket party a week and, if I could squeeze in a home party in there too. I’ll wait until Matt’s home to do more home parties.

None of this is going to be easy, but I am determined. I’m determined to get on my feet again so I can do well when Matt’s gone. I’m determined to keep up with my writing, and to keep growing my Scentsy business.

I know I’ll feel a little unbalanced at times. I know that the scales won’t always be equal. I know some things will fall to the wayside. But I’m determined to live in the knowledge that even if I’m unbalanced today, tomorrows another day, another chance to balance out the scales.

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About J.C. Hannigan

25. Mother. Wife. Lover of words. Weaver of stories. My first book, Collide, is available in e-book for Amazon Kindle and Kobo.
This entry was posted in blogging, challenges, family, fears, feelings, goals, happenings, health/medical, honesty, just thoughts, Matt, MHE, musings, pain, parenting, personal, prompts, real talk, reality, recovery, reflecting, struggles, surgery, the blah blah blah, the difficult, trial and error, uncensored, updates, verbal diarrhea, words, work, writing and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Unbalanced

  1. I am so proud of you for accomplishing as much as you have while recovering from a major surgery.

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