The Decay of RSVPing

This is a wonderful day and age. Before the Internet (and Facebook), if you wanted to invite mass amounts of people to a party, you would have to send out invitations in the mail. Facebook allows you the option of creating an event and inviting mass amounts of people with relative ease. Which is great, because we, as a collective whole, are busy. Plus, we all love to save money (and trees, and time) by cutting down on snail mail invitations.

This new avenue of inviting people to things is wonderful, really, if we ignore the fact that it’s really a simple method that is really a decay in more personalized ways of interacting. I could take this decay in interacting, if that’s all it was. After all, I’ve never been a fan of the phone and I am quite awkward in person to person interactions. However, people now feel that they don’t really have to RSVP to any invitation, Facebook or snail mail. Because they are busy, after all.

I once read somewhere that society is busier than ever, living their lives and earning their paychecks. People can scarcely remember to feed the family goldfish, I guess that’s why the majoirty of them don’t RSVP to some party or event, whether they receive the invite on Facebook or in the mail. They are busy.

Personally, I think it’s completely aggravating. When I turned 19, I created a Facebook event inviting all 100+ of my Facebook friends to go bar hopping with me to celebrate. Not one of them RSVP’d, so I canceled the event, feeling like a total friendless loser. I had about four people message me afterwards to ask why I’d canceled it, telling me that “they were planning on going”. Well, gee…thanks for telling me now, now that I’d canceled the event after seeing no RSVPs and cried about how nobody cared.

It still happens now. Most people just won’t RSVP to events. It’s incredibly difficult to plan a birthday party or function without knowing how many people are actually going to show up.

I love the people that do RSVP to events. I want to kiss them all, because of their thoughtfulness. Because they have maintained the timeless etiquette of RSVPing. Because I will know how much food to buy.

Then there is the cop-out function on Facebook event invites…the maybe. In my opinion, there shouldn’t be a maybe. Make up your mind on whether or not you’re going to go immediately. Perferrably the moment you receive the invite. Check your little black book, see if you’re available and then decide if you want to go. But most importantly…RSVP. The quicker you RSVP, the quicker I can finish planning my events.

I think people don’t really read their snail mail anymore (because it’s usually just bills and junk anyway), which is why the mailed invites get forgotten. As for Facebook invites, I often wonder if people think oh, no big deal. It’s just a Facebook event. It’s not major. Or maybe they don’t want to be rude by saying they can’t attend…but trust me, that’s not rude. I take more offense to silence than I do someone simply saying they can’t attend.

Which is exactly why I’m dreading planning my 25th birthday bash. I was going to just do a simple Facebook event. Then I remembered the horrible, icky feeling of rejection when I was 19. So, I considered doing up some snail mail invitations. But then I felt awkward, because the first part of my party will be a Passion Party for the ladies. Should I tell my guests to bring money for dildos on the invitations? Or is that assumed when I write “Join me for a Passion Party!”?

Times were much simplier back in the day when your only option was snail mail invitations. Of course, I don’t think those ladies back in the day needed to worry about proper wording for a Passion Party.



About J.C. Hannigan

25. Mother. Wife. Lover of words. Weaver of stories. My first book, Collide, is available in e-book for Amazon Kindle and Kobo.
This entry was posted in blogging, Facebook, honesty, musings, my two cents, um what?, verbal diarrhea, words and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

9 Responses to The Decay of RSVPing

  1. I cannot STAND it when people don’t RSVP for things. It’s like, come on! Just say I’m coming or I’m not. And on Facebook?? You have got to be kidding me. It’s so easy to RSVP yes or no.

    With birthday parties it’s the worst because I need to know how many goodie bags to get etc.

    I find not RSVPing rude.

    • Jess says:

      I know!!! I have given up on invitations. Sad to say. For Archer’s bday I called everyone I wanted to attend and kept it JUST family and close close friends.

  2. I think that we’re definitely RUDER as a society and it drives me nuts. I’m with you — just RSVP, people! It’s not rocket science.

    Last summer when I got married we sent out snail-mail invitations. It was an extremely small event and we wanted to send out “real” invites. We heard back from plenty of people (after all, it was just family and (supposedly) close friends. We had several people VERBALLY tell us that they were going to attend — one (who basically invited himself to the wedding and we didn’t feel right UNinviting) cancelled the week of, and we had two other couples just not bother to show up. Um….what? Whatever happened to even just a quick email saying, “Hey, something came up, we can’t make it after all, sorry?” Geez.

    I personally think that this whole “busy” excuse is just that — an excuse. Rudeness should never be acceptable!

    In terms of your birthday, have you considered in addition to creating a FB event, personally messaging those people that you most want to attend? Sometimes people seem to respond better to more personal communication, even if it is just a FB message…

  3. I wasn’t trying to be rude. I really was going to try to come. But my work is feast or famine & I have to take work when I can get it. I’m down with a 6 day migraine so I can’t come anyway. I’m sorry I was a maybe for so long, but that’s why.

  4. Seriously. I think RSVP-ing is a lost art. Similar to darning.

  5. I have been fortunate that I haven’t run into this problem too much. If I put a facebook event out there, I call or text close family/friends that I really want to be there. For my son’s birthday, if I don’t hear back, I have him ask his friends at school. This year, we aren’t doing a big party, but take a him and 3 friends go-carting for the day. So this I need to know before I buy passes, and if I don’t hear back, I will be calling them.

    As for the goodie bags – once my son got in 1st grade, we stopped doing goody bags. I mean, let’s face it, 90% of the time you give out junky plastic crap that the kids will lose quickly, and the parents don’t want more of this in the house. I do though try to send home extra cake slices with each kid for them or siblings.

  6. Trauma Dad says:

    Guilty as charged. I’ll say yes, but I don’t like saying “no”. That always feels rude too.

  7. Tina says:

    It drives me nuts too. Look at my scentsy party. Even though it’s online… if you might buy something say you’re going so i knowwho to follow up with. If you don’t want anything decline so I don’t bother calling, msging, texting to find out IF you want anything. So annoying. Parties I’ve planned have definitely had the no shows too. Last one I planned a huge party for my sister and TEN ppl that rsvp Yes didn’t show and didn’t warn us before hand. I also hate the no rsvp and show up. Ppl ask for rsvp to plan how much food, drinks, cakes, tableware, etc to have.
    Common decency ppl!

    • Jess says:

      Exactly!!! I have had this happen time and time again. It’s hard to account for the random show ups and frustrating when you buy too much food etc.

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