Tell Me Again….

There’s something I noticed about people: we like to tell others what to do, how to act, and how to feel. There are guidelines, rules, most of them made up in our own heads. Don’t do this, do do that, feel that way about this and this way about that.

The rules (and guidelines) are constantly changing, but one thing remains the same: people will always tell you that whatever you’re doing/saying/feeling is wrong. Generally because it’s not what they would do/say/feel.

I’m not innocent, I’m just as guilty as the next person when it comes to this…thing…that we all do. There’s a code that I stick to, that other people may not stick to. Then I scoff at them. Because they’re doing it wrong. They aren’t doing what I would do.

There are things that are just so obvious that I can’t really stop the but why would you judgements from coming. I know, you shouldn’t judge, and I honestly don’t about most things, but there are some things you can’t help but judge. The person who puts their child last, always indulging themselves first and forgetting the basic needs of their children. Those who harm others, those who do unspeakable things, and the minor offenders of those who breech a code of your own that you “can’t forgive” (example: cheating, stealing or lying).

Perhaps it’s not that you “can’t forgive”, it’s that your choosing to be angry.

I always choose to be angry. I give myself a couple weeks to stew about it and let myself feel anger,Β  because I firmly believe if you don’t do that, you’ll never truly forgive. You have to be angry to forgive, and you can’t forgive properly until you’ve allotted a certain amount of anger time.

That isn’t to say you should let the anger consume you (oh look, I’m telling you what you should do and feel…again! But do it. Or don’t…it’s your life), but the occasional sarcastic remark or dig could be allotted, given that it helps you with the whole anger-to-forgive process.

Sometimes, something “insignificant” to someone else can feel like a major thing to you, and I believe that’s okay. I get it. We all have different codes and some things mean more to others than they do you. I know women who would (and do) forgive and forget cheating. I probably couldn’t. I don’t let things go easily, and I firmly believe in monogamous relationships. That’s an example that I chose to use because you’re either on one side of the fence or the other, you know?

I’m probably not making any sense at all. I wrote this post at 6am before my mind caught up to my fingers, before I even finished my morning cup of coffee. In fact, I’m pretty sure I was still sleeping.

I feel like I should edit it, clarify it some more so it actually makes sense, but not everything makes sense to everyone. Some people will get this post and nod as they read, understanding it. Others will scratch their heads and tell me to put down the computer (or in this case, WordPress App for android) until I’m more awake. But the truth is, I wrote this post to help with understanding my code and anger to forgive, not so anyone else could understand it (or not). If you get it, that’s good. Great even, but if not…just nod and pretend, okay?


About J.C. Hannigan

25. Mother. Wife. Lover of words. Weaver of stories. My first book, Collide, is available in e-book for Amazon Kindle and Kobo.
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12 Responses to Tell Me Again….

  1. Paul Davis says:

    How do you get past that anger? Do you just let it flow until it’s exhausted? If you want to know this was a good post, I’m about to cry over here because I get it. The anger keeps building up, I try venting it, but there’s more bitterness each and every time.

    On a more humorous note, what about when you’re right? What about when you tell someone “You’re doing it wrong. That path doesn’t suit you.” They rebel, and three months later come back, “You were right.” Had a friend that I knew her well enough I kept saying this, the cycle continued. And doesn’t help she’s the one I’m bitter with. πŸ˜›

    • Jess says:

      You acknowledge it. You put words to it and you don’t bury it, you release it because if you bury it, it’s still there…only it festers and turns ugly so it’s no longer anger but rage.

      So, put words to your feelings, express them and don’t bottle them up. Don’t be mean or cruel about it, if you can help it use measured words and weigh them carefully, but definitely acknowledge them.

      And in that case, “I told you so” is an awesome sentence lol

      • Paul Davis says:

        Thanks. To all of the above. It’s hard to watch people you help, people who hurt you so badly and you were still there for them, get away with it. To watch them have everything you wanted with them. Like that whole neglected child. Every time I see a parent, I keep wondering why they get to be a parent, and I don’t have kids. But I am where I am, and nothing can change that. All I can do is alter the way I look at and approach life.

      • Jess says:

        I’m sorry Paul, you will make a fantastic father one day. I’m sorry this person is hurting you 😦

      • Paul Davis says:

        Thank you. It all works out in the end, right? πŸ™‚

      • Jess says:

        Definitely! Something wonderful is bound to happen πŸ˜€

  2. Aussa Lorens says:

    No, you make plenty of sense. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with allowing yourself to feel anger (or whatever “negative” emotion it may be) and I agree that it’s not right to push people and tell them how they should be feeling in any given situation. That’s a quick way to isolate someone, or worse.

    That being said: Let the anger go, Jess! Come on already! πŸ˜‰

  3. Lol, Oh Jessica do I ever know where you’re coming from! lol In fact, I am pretty sure we’ve sat together and did this on multiple occasions. I am just as guilty, sometimes you just can’t help it. Some people make it way too easy.

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