I haven’t updated on the book progress in a while, so here I am…with an update.
Sarah wanted me to send her what I have by November 1st. That day is seriously creeping up…I have two days to get a move on…and yet here I sit, procrastinating.
That extreme burst of motivation and energy I felt a couple months ago when I started writing? That has all but evaporated. Now I’m feel vulnerable and spent. I felt confident with the memoir back when I started, but now I just don’t feel it.
I wanted to put my all into this book…into this memoir…but I’m realizing that I’ve forgotten a lot about my past and I’m having difficulties dredging things up of interest and importance. I feel like my life is just…boring. My life feels boring. Any time I do think of something to add, I immediately think; what the hell does that have to do with anything?
I feel like this book won’t be the best it can be for a couple of years, until I’ve experienced…more. I feel like I can’t share it all yet, for whatever reason, and I have some other projects waiting in the wings that feel so appealing to me.
It’s been hard finding time to sit down with my laptop and write, to feel that connection I felt in the beginning with this book. It’s been hard to carve out the time and dedication, to pour my heart and soul in, to breathe new life back into it. Be alive, I whisper at it. Only whispering at it and hoping it’ll come back to life is fruitless. I need to bring it back, only I haven’t the slightest idea how to.
The moment Archer goes down for a nap, I’m going to open my files and try yet again to breathe the life back into this project. I’m still going to send what I have to Sarah on Friday, and maybe she’ll see things that I can’t. I think my own depression and indifference towards my book is causing some major blinders for me. Only I’m at a loss for how to to take those blinders off and be one with the book.
No, this isn’t an “I’m giving up” post, never. This is an “I’m searching for a way to get inspired again” post. This is me sorting out my feelings about the book; about the project. This is me hoping to write out some inspiration and kick my writers block.
So, Sarah…if you’re reading this, I have every intention on sending you what I have this Friday. I can’t promise it’ll be any good (or finished), but it’ll be in your email for sure.