Chronically…Chronic.

I’m actually terrible at remembering to do semi-important things for myself, like call my specialist to see what’s going on with the whole heel thing.

You’d think it’d be easy to remember to do that, considering it bothers me every single day doing even the simplest tasks of making coffee and walking to the fridge.

Occasionally, I will remember…but always at the wrong times. Like right now…at 7:30am on a Saturday. Or yesterday, at 5pm at night…and so on and so forth.

Sigh…I do so suck.

It’s becoming frustrating. I’m dreading doing things outside of what I have to do. I have to walk Nolan to the bus, there’s no one else to do it, so I do it. I try to grit through it. Luckily, seeing him be all adorable with his little “girl who’s a friend” is a perk. It doesn’t necessarily make it any less painful for me, but at least I get that cute sight at the end of our walk. And it’s “only” a small 6 minute walk.

Mornings are hard. Terrible, actually, between getting the 3 of us ready and out the door on time – I do not work well with a time frame. Winter isn’t here yet so I’m dreading adding on bundling us all up. Despite the challenges of the morning, somehow the afternoon pick up is always harder pain wise (which I didn’t even think was possible), but I guess it makes sense. I’ve been on my feet cleaning and chasing Archer all day. Why wouldn’t it be worse in the afternoon?

But ya. I’m at the point where I’m just dreading doing extra things. I hate standing. I hate walking. I hate it because it makes me feel incredibly uncomfortable and sore. I am uber conscious of the amount of times I need to take a break to sit down. I am uber aware of how many times I go to complain (and promptly shut my mouth before I can). Why complain about something that’s constant? Whenever I do complain, I feel worse anyway. Like people will think I can’t handle it or something.

Then there’s cooking dinner, which I do about an hour after we get home from the bus. I need that hour to sit and have a tea and try to rest. It doesn’t seem to help much, but at least it makes it semi possible to cook dinner.

I like a clean house, I do. I get completely irritable and grouchy when my house isn’t clean. Just ask my house mates. Unfortunately, I’m the one who does the majority of the cleaning because I’m the one who stays home. Matt does help when he’s home, but he works pretty much every single day and I can not wait until his one day off to get everything done.

So I suppose I kind of bring the extra heaping of pain on by my NEED for things to be clean and organized. But I just can’t let that go. It’s bad enough I’m perpetually irritated by the state of our carpets right now (Santa had better be bringing me a steam cleaner), I couldn’t deal with letting everything go all the time. Every once in a while, it’s a necessity to let it go, but then I promptly feel bad and rush to get the house back in order and end up in just as bad a state as I was before.

And my fight is gone. Like, checked out. I’ll tiredly ask the kids to do something, and they naturally won’t listen because they’re kids, so I’ll sigh and be too exhausted/sore to deal. I know, that’s terrible, but you’ve got to choose your battles, so if I ask them to sit at the table and I get this…well.

20131026-083037.jpg

Close enough, am I right?

At least they kind of listen when it counts.

**

Today is going to be a lazy day, once I get the house in order from last night I mean. You honestly cannot start the day with a messy kitchen. You just can’t. How are you going to make meals in a messy kitchen? But once that’s done, I’ll be doing nothing aside from making a body for my sister’s party tonight. I will be storing energy.

I’m both excited and dreading this party. I’m excited because it’s been actual years since I’ve gotten to attend one of S’s famous Halloween parties, I have my costume and everything, but I’m also dreading it because of the whole pain/sick thing, plus it’s pouring rain which means all that’s going to be even worse than a regular old bad day.

Maybe shots will help with that…

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About J.C. Hannigan

25. Mother. Wife. Lover of words. Weaver of stories. My first book, Collide, is available in e-book for Amazon Kindle and Kobo.
This entry was posted in blogging, challenges, chronic pain, emotional, frustrations, hard stuff, health/medical, heaviness, honesty, iPhone posting, MHE, musings, the blah blah blah, uncensored, updates, what I'm feeling, words, writing and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Chronically…Chronic.

  1. tierney says:

    Shots will definitely help with that.

    I feel your pain, you know that. I’ve had to modify my day in order to get simple things done. For instance, if I have to work later in the evening, I’ve started prepping my dinner in the morning. There’s nothing worse then getting home from work/errands all tired & sore and STILL having to plan/think about dinner. I find that by planning and prepping in the morning when I’m less sore and have more energy, I can come home and it’s either mostly done or needs to be thrown into a pot to cook and I can preserve my energy and nurse my aching body.

    My pain gets far worse as the day goes on, not sure about yours, but that just means I try to pack my mornings of anything I need to do in order to relax later without the stress. Nothing I can say will help your situation because were all unique, but know you’re not alone.

    • Jess says:

      It sucks because first thing in the morning my pain is bad (blood rushing to sore heel etc) and then mid morning I’m “okay” enough to pack everything high priority in there (laundry, cleaning, vacuuming etc), then my the afternoon when I go get Nolan it’s really bad, by the time we get home it’s extremely bad and then I have to rest and do up dinner. I should start trying to prep it a little in the morning – even if it’s potatoes peeled and put in a pot of water or something.

      And thank you hun, it’s good to know I’m not alone.

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