I saw this quote on my friends Facebook, and immediately…it resonated with me. Marriage isn’t often easy, I’ve found. If I’m in a terrible mood, and he’s in a terrible mood, things are…well, terrible.
When I’m my best, and he’s his best, then things are the best. You get what you give, what kind of energy you put into things is the kind of energy you’ll be rewarded with.
This is a surprisingly easy thing to learn, but applying those learnings to every day life is…well…not so easy.
He is my partner, he shelters me from the storms of life. I often forget that I am also to shelter him from the storms of life. I’m pretty selfish in that regard, or I used to be anyway. Now that I understand this more, I get better every day at being a shelter for him, a safe place where he can escape from the storm.
Marriage is difficult because it’s easy to get on each other’s bad side. It’s easy to get snippy with one another. Managing a household, managing kids, working every day in and out of the home…that wears on a person. I know I’ve been guilty of often unleashing on Matt at the end of the day.
I’ve made a conscious decision to stop doing that. I don’t want the first words out of my mouth to be about what a difficult/terrible/exhausting day I had. I don’t want that to be the first thing he hears after his day. Now, I simply kiss him hello. (I won’t touch him until he’s cleaned up though – then he gets a hug).
And that truly does set the tone for the night. I’ve noticed it puts him in a good mood.
Matt’s not one to complain, not really anyway. Not about most things. Family gatherings he doesn’t want to do? Sure. But not work related things, not really. Heck, he didn’t even tell me he crushed his finger until nearly 4 hours after he was home…
So, it’s no wonder that my immediate complaining would put him in a bad mood.
I know, you’re probably all thinking “Jess, this is textbook stuff here! Everyone knows it!“, but is it? We often take things out on those we love the most.
You’re also probably all wondering why I haven’t forced Matt into a bubble or made him quit his job yet. The man comes home with a new injury every other day, or so it seems. But he adores his job and loves the work, and that’s all I want for him!
So yeah. Thus concludes a rambling post about what I’ve learned about marriage. Or at least, our marriage.