Lately, sleep for me has sucked around here. I can’t tell you how many times this week I’ve found myself sitting on the couch in the ridiculous early hours of the morning, between 2am and 5am, in the dark of the living room trying to hold the pieces of my jagged sanity together while my two year old kinda-sorta-not really sleeps beside me.
I never had these issues with Nolan. He was sleeping through the night and we had a good routine going well before a year and a half. When he started sleeping in a big boy bed, the transition was easy. We’d read books in bed, have cuddles and he’d fall asleep. Occasionally, he’d creep out of his bed and fall asleep on the floor amid his toys and books and I’d have to move him back to his bed. One time, I stepped on a steaming pile of poop that he left when he striped down to nothing and took a crap on the floor. I was massively pregnant and it went in between my toes and I remember thinking how horrible it was.
But it doesn’t compare to this. The thought of how little sleep I’ll get each night makes my chest compress with anxiety and desperation.
For whatever reason, Archer hates staying asleep. No matter how I try to change up his sleep routine. He will pass out on my lap and I’ll carry him up, he’ll stay asleep for a few hours and then wakes up crying. I can’t leave him, because he’ll just get out of bed and open their bedroom door and come find me anyway. Plus his crying wakes Nolan, who in turn cries because he’s tired and doesn’t want to be awake.
I’ve tried putting Archer to bed when I put Nolan to bed, but he just gets out of bed and either irritates Nolan and keeps him from sleeping, or he just leaves the room. I’ve tried just crawling into his bed with him to comfort him, and he just freaks out because he wants to go downstairs. So I end up taking him because he freaks out so much that Nolan will wake up.
He’s no longer on the bottle, which has surprisingly affected his sleep negatively. Instead of guzzling it back and falling asleep relatively easy it’s a nightmare and a waiting game to get him to sleep. Not that I’ll bring back the bottle, no…I’m determined to not ever go down that road again. It’s…discouraging. At first, cutting the bottle out worked like a charm. Less wet diapers, less wake ups…but in the past week or so his sleep issues have gotten vastly worse.
Sleep deprivation is hard on anyone, but those who suffer from chronic pain really feel the effects of sleep deprivation, and oh boy…am I ever feeling it now.
I wish there was some kind of solution that would work. I can’t have Nolan missing valuable sleep, and I feel like I can’t do this anymore either. I know, that’s probably not true. Moms have this insanely talented way of pushing through whatever comes their way because they don’t have any other options. I know, I’ll survive, but I just wish I could get more sleep at night, so I could have more patience and energy during the day. The ripple effect, so to speak. With so little sleep, I found myself snapping at my loved ones and just being an ornery brat. Not my finest look, and I’m ashamed to say that it’s hard to stop the bitchy, ornery me from popping up when I am running on so little sleep.
I need a solution. I’ve said this time and time again, but nothing works and if it does, it doesn’t for long.