Divided

Have you ever felt a division within yourself? A need, a want, both of them pulling you in opposite directions?

I feel that way about change, about moving. I have a gypsy soul…but I also don’t. I long for change, but I cling to comfort. I want to travel, but I want to stay.

I am literally divided more often than not, which is why I free fall dive into things and just hope and pray that I’m on the right path.

Half of me is excited about this move. Time to make a new place our home. Time to make more memories. Time to save and bask in the financial stability that comes with saving a chunk of money each month. This part of me is raring to go, raring to get packed and start painting and start moving.

But the other half is extremely anxious and apprehensive. She’s digging her heels in. No, no, NO, she cries. We are comfortable here.

Well, physically comfortable. This has been a great home for a year, but it’s also been a great stress…a great burden.

But my apprehensive, I-just-wanna-stay-in-one-spot self is anxious and nervous. What if this move isn’t what’s best? Then what? Then what?

I’m over thinking things, I know. It’s foolish to be apprehensive when this is happening. Tomorrow, we start painting. Tomorrow, we begin the new chapter. Hopefully, by the end of the weekend, we will be done with painting and can focus on the slow move. Going from room to room, packing and loading them up as we go, dropping it off and starting over again.

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Starting all over again. Those words send a shiver of thrill and apprehensiveness through my body.

I am truly excited for this new beginning, this new opportunity, but I am scared. I think this is a perfectly acceptable reaction to a massive change. It will be an adjustment, things won’t be perfect for a little while. The boys will need to adjust to room sharing, we will all need to adjust to a new home. I don’t think I will have any issues making this new house a home. I’ve done it five times before. Yes, five times. Matt and I have now officially moved every single year that we’ve been together.

I think I can honestly say that this is the house we will stay in until we buy our own. It’s financially feasible, we can actually save money while living there, and it’s big enough to fit all of our needs.

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About J.C. Hannigan

25. Mother. Wife. Lover of words. Weaver of stories. My first book, Collide, is available in e-book for Amazon Kindle and Kobo.
This entry was posted in anxiety, big things, blogging, challenges, changes, concerns, confessions, conflicted, dreaming, family, fears, feelings, figuring it out, growing, happenings, honesty, me, moving, musings, my life, new stuff, quick notes, random, real talk, telling stories, uncensored, words, writing and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Divided

  1. lisalday111711 says:

    I know what it feels like to have to move so much. I have had three huge moves in a year and I am Over it. But with each move there is the hope of things to come and a chance to start over and redefine yourself. I am excited to see the pictures of your decorating and to read all the stories that will pop up along the way.
    Lisa

    • Jess says:

      Thank you Lisa! So true, the chance to start over and redefine is extremely appealing. I can’t wait for fresh opportunities, to slowly make this place a home.

      Xx

  2. I totally hear you! It’s normal to feel apprehensive since it is a change. But you’re going to love the new place too! I get the gypsy soul thing.

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