But What if The Voice in My Head is Regina George?

Everyone has an inner voice, a voice that whispers things to them. Those who say that they don’t have an inner voice are likely lying.

Rachel-McAdams-as-Regina-George-rachel-mcadams-2377233-1600-900

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Mine just happens to be Regina George. She’s bitchy, she’s manipulative, she always knows just what to say to make me insecure and hesitant. She comes with the perfected art of giving me years of self doubt, with her quick sarcasm, and as she cockily reassuring me that I will fail. And that my ass does, indeed, look fat in these jeans.

When I was in high school, Regina George would cripple me with self doubt. I’d shy away from any chance to shine. Talent show? No way. Hide in the back forty and pretend it was lame, even if I did want to sing something (only, I can’t carry a tune in a bucket, so…that was probably wise advice on Regina’s part). Ask a boy out that I was crushing on? Ya, ok. Not. When my English teacher selected my short story to read, Regina whispered snide comments about how all my classmates thought it was terrible and that I was a major nerd. In reality, all of my peers were impressed. Speechless, but impressed. Which is pretty damn good for grade 10.

Sometimes, Regina is voiced by well meaning family and friends, even strangers on the Internet hiding behind anonymous names.

In recent years, I’ve learned to all but block out Regina’s voice. Kind of. Sometimes, it seeps in like water through the cracks. It eats away my self confidence, makes me feel incapable of achieving my goals.

But…I’m getting better at telling Regina George just where to go. The times where I meekly sit back and let Regina stomp on my confidence and drive are fading to infrequency.

It’s my time to shine. I will succeed, I will achieve my dreams. Regina’s voice is slowly but determinedly drowned out by my other inner voice, my positive voice. The one that shouts you can do this whenever Regina tries to sink her negativity in.

You don’t have a hold on me anymore, Regina. Watch out world.

*

Yesterday, I applied to write for 5 Minutes for Mom, and I also pitched to blog for The Huffington Post.

I’ve never really applied to write articles for big websites before. That Regina voice of negativity would smirk every time I’d consider it. Really? You don’t think you stand a chance, do you? She’d remark, bemused.

However, my new found confidence stomps all over Regina’s sarcastic bewilderment. Yes, I think I stand a chance. I am a good writer. I’ve been told this time and time again. I believe it, I believe that I can make it. I believe I have what it takes. I have an interesting perspective on the world, on parenting. I have been told that I have “experience beyond my years”, and I know this is true. I do. I don’t see the world in the typical shades of black and white so many people see it in. I see grey, I see vibrant colours. I’ve never thought inside the box, but I’ve learned to understand those who do. It’s safe in the box.

I’m pushing down the walls that held me back from jumping in and trying. I’m diving in with my heart on my sleeve, as I always wear it. Only good will come from trying, only personal growth and reflection.

In five years from now, I’ll be crossing off all the goals on my check list of dreams. Write for big websites, publish a book, go to Blogher, and start speaking publicly about my experiences.

Regina be damned, I’m going somewhere after all. She’ll be hit by the metaphorical bus of my success.

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About J.C. Hannigan

25. Mother. Wife. Lover of words. Weaver of stories. My first book, Collide, is available in e-book for Amazon Kindle and Kobo.
This entry was posted in blogging, challenges, growing, honesty, hopes, insecurities, motivation, musings, self image, self improvement, self love, self-esteem, uncensored, words, writing, yay me and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

15 Responses to But What if The Voice in My Head is Regina George?

  1. lisalday111711 says:

    you go girl….Regina be damned. I KNOW you have what it takes.I am excited for you!!!
    Lisa

  2. I’m glad you are blogging more often. This post was awesome and I’m sure a lot of people can relate. I’m my biggest critic as well! No one would dare say the horrible things I sometimes tell myself. Ive been going through a rough patch lately and you have inspired me to do things that I love and make me happy. I’ve been sketching and painting, reading more, eating better and taking care of myself. Thanks for sharing your thoughts with the world. Hopefully you have a stress-free day!

    P.S. I live in Texas and a co-worker took a trip up to the great lakes and Canada. She said she and her friend saw a sign for Tim Horton’s and thought it was a grocery or a gas station chain. I knew from reading your blog that it’s like Starbucks for us down here. Made me laugh. :-p

    • Jess says:

      Aww! I’m really glad and honoured I could inspire you! That’s great šŸ™‚ I’m also glad I’m writing more again. I’ve missed it! I was in a major rut the last little while. I’m glad to finally be digging my way out of it!

      And that’s hilarious! I must confess something: we’ve now got a Starbucks and I’m KIND OF addicted to Vanilla bean frappes with a shot of raspberry flavour! So good! And those SANDWICHES! Tim Hortons sandwiches don’t hold a candle to Starbucks sandwiches! In fact, I want one today…lol!

  3. Verlene says:

    Regina can go to hell. I’m putting my bet on YOU!!! You go girl. Regina is probably overweight and can’t fit into any of her jeans now anyway. Karma is a bitch as they say!

  4. The thing about Regina is, towards the end of the movie, I think she realizes that she was indeed a mean girl, and it wasn`t serving her. so she just channels her aggression in a different way. Hence Rugby. Or was it Lacross? I can’t remember. Point is, maybe its time for your Regina to reform into a more positive voice.

  5. I love this! You will be so good at these things. And if you don’t like them, for some reason, you never have to do them again. It’s so worth a shot. You will be amazing! I’ll be cheering you on.

  6. Good! You tell Regina to F*** off! You’re an amazing writer and acknowledging her annoying existence makes her less powerful. You are bigger than that voice. Now go conquer the world and publish your book!

  7. Emily says:

    I loved this! Crossing my fingers for you for lots of great opportunities! It is so nice to read more from you again, keep going šŸ™‚

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