Just…WRITE.

Last night I didn’t get much sleep, again. I can thank Archer…whose frequent wake ups are really wearing on me. Matt and I are both convinced that he wakes up so much because we’re in the room. So, we just need to stick it out for another 16 more days and then we’ll be in our own house and he’ll have his own room and maybe, just maybe the wakeups will be less frequent. Maybe. With babies, you never know.

I’m going to miss my morning view though. My in-laws have a deck off their kitchen/dinning room. It’s a tiny deck but you can see the sun rise (if you’re up early enough). I love to drink a little bit of my tea and watch my surroundings. For a subdivision, my in-laws are in a very quiet, peaceful area. I won’t miss the loud blasts from the train, though.

I wrote a couple posts that I can’t seem to hit publish on. You know the type…they came easy to write but the decision to hit publish seems to way heavily on the mind. I try to write with honesty, and I do, but sometimes the story isn’t yours to share. Sometimes, things in life “inspire” your writing, and to publish would quite possibly hurt someone you care about.

A part of me still thinks that every story is mine…and every story is mine. Every experience that happens to someone I love is mine as well, at least in the sense that my reactions and what I think and feel about it are mine. But still…I’ve grown a lot in the past several years, enough to learn when I should write about something and when I shouldn’t. I’ve learned that there are certain things that are simply nobody’s business, not even mine. I can think about them all I want, I can react to them however I choose but sharing the why and how isn’t in good taste.

I wanted to write today, but I didn’t know what to write about. A lot of the topics occupying my brain are the ones I can’t touch upon…not yet, anyway. Even having “nothing” to write about, I told myself to just write, see what happens. See what other thoughts are occupying my brain space.

I started writing another novel again. Sort of. The outline and what not…I think it’s the storyline I want to have for NaNoWriMo. I’m going to try again. Last year I couldn’t do it, of course I had a less than 1 month old baby and all that but still. This year, I want to try. My problem with writing [novels] is that I’m too all over the place. I can never discipline myself enough to focus on just one story and one character.

Aside from that and kid stuff, most of my thoughts are of the move. 16 more days…I hope it passes quickly. I’m eager to get into our new home. I’m worried about what living on that street will be like, but our new home is lovely. My to-do list is pretty ridiculously long, and I haven’t even added half of the things I need to do…I just added the things that I need to do that I often forget to do. Little things like get our mail re-routed to the new address, since we won’t be in North Bay to pick up our mail.

With big decisions like moving to a different town, I often question myself. Will we be happier as a whole here? Matt loves the North, I don’t. Will we just be switching sides on the happiness scale? Don’t get me wrong, Matt and I are happy together, just location wise, when we lived in NB I wasn’t happy. I missed my family, I missed my network of friends. I wasn’t happy in NB and I worry that Matt won’t be happy here, location wise. There is potential here for Matt to be happy, he does have friends. Maybe not the college crew and the high school friends, but they are good friends. It’s the atmosphere he loves.

Who knows where we’ll end up in five years. I told him, every location is temporary and until you stay you never know where you’ll decide to be. We both love our new house, we’ve both been happier somehow, even if living with in-laws is a little stressful. Lets face it, 8 people in one three bedroom house is hectic and crazy on the best of days. But despite it, Matt’s been happier. He has moments where he questions our decision, my decision. We won’t know until we’re there though, until we’ve been there.

So, we’ll play it by ear.

About J.C. Hannigan

25. Mother. Wife. Lover of words. Weaver of stories. My first book, Collide, is available in e-book for Amazon Kindle and Kobo.
This entry was posted in bits and pieces, blogging, challenges, changes, conflicted, count downs, just thoughts, little moments, marriage, musings, odds n ends, photos, writing. Bookmark the permalink.

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