Currently Thinking,

I’m lacking in blog inspiration today, there’s just so much going on in my head right now. So I decided to do a bits and pieces post, just because I can’t really focus on one “topic” or another today.

So, here we go.

Pucker lips FTW.

I’m currently thinking about:

College… Non-stop. I have a bug, a bug to go back to school and get an education and a career. I feel so stuck being a SAHM with hardly any work experience and no college education. While I do enjoy being a SAHM, I think I would feel a lot better about myself if I had an education and maybe a part time job.Thanks to my disability, my body lacks the stamina to work the jobs available to me. Believe me, I’ve tried. I loved my hostessing job but hated how much it drained me and caused me pain. I could barely move for days after a 5 hour shift, and all of my energy was going into that part-time job. I need to get an education that will wield job opportunities in places I can actually physically work in. Honestly, I’m so serious about this that I’ve filled out my OCAS application…I’m just waiting to submit it because I don’t really know where the money for school would come from. I’m banking on getting a loan from OSAP for tuition and books. We’re basically covered on living expenses and what not, thanks to my disability, and Matt would stay home with the kids while I’m in school so we wouldn’t have to worry about day care. The only problem is I don’t know if OSAP would even give me funding, what with me being a 2x college drop out…Matt is encouraging me to try anyway, if OSAP denies me funding then I’ll just wait I guess.

Money… This goes along with college and why I’ve been thinking about it so much. I want to be able to lessen the work load that will undoubtedly fall on Matt’s (fully capable) shoulders. I want us to live comfortably and not be so stretched every single month. Obviously, there isn’t much I can do at this point. I’m already doing all that I can. Every time I mention this, someone recommends babysitting. Unfortunately my limit is 2 kids, both mentally and physically. It’s one of the reasons why I got my tubes tied. Two is all I can handle, and I’m okay with that. Another thing friends and family have recommended is becoming a distributor to a company like Avon or Scentsy. Honestly though? I suck at being a salesperson. I can’t sell stuff. I mean, I can recommend stuff but I can’t be pushy. I’ve never been pushy and a lot of the time you need to be pushy to get a result. I back right off when someone says “Oh, I’m not interested” or “I don’t really know” because I know how it feels to be pushed into a corner and end up getting something – my mom did that to me a lot with the whole financial advising ordeal, and Xango and every other thing she tried…so yeah. That’s not an option for me at this point either!

Makeovers… It’s been so long since I had a “makeover”, and I’m kinda dying to change up my look a little bit. I’d like to dye my hair, find a new hair style, and go shopping. Obviously I can’t do any of the above with our current penny pinching money situation, but I’ve been thinking about what I’d like to do. I’ve also been thinking about home makeovers…I’ve been watching too much HGTV during the day. Seriously.

Writing… I’ve been thinking a lot about writing but I haven’t actually been writing. I need to start again, Liz is going to boot me in the butt. I know, I was so motivated a few weeks ago. I go through spurts though, where I want to write and can write and have all this creative energy and then suddenly it dries up and I think my ideas are stupid or pointless and just loose the drive, you know? I don’t know how to keep that drive there.

Kijiji… and how people really need to learn how to use the damn thing. I put our futon up for sale and have gotten a billion replies from people proclaiming to be interested and want to know when they can pick it up. I’ll give them a time frame and then hear absolutely nothing. It’s so freakin’ irritating! Why can’t people message only when they are SERIOUS about getting something, or if they change their mind or don’t have a way to get it, inform me? 

Friends… I’m really missing my friends down south, but thankful for my friends up North. I’ve just got to make more time for them. I usually get so caught up in the day to day happenings and just literally being lazy that I forget to text or call people for weeks on end. It’s horrible.

Self Improvement… I’ve also been thinking a lot about self improvement. I know I need it, I’m not going to pretend to be perfect and someone I’m not. I’m trying to acknowledge the areas I need improvement on and in that regard I’ve been doing pretty good…but on making actual changes, I’ve kinda been sucking a little. I’m aware I’m being unreasonable/difficult but it’s hard to stop. Sometimes I wonder if I need some kind of medication to stop myself from getting all worked up and anxious over stupid/pointless things, or things I can’t change. But then I feel like medication would be the easy way out and I want to just figure out what my problems are and fix them on my own…(I know my problems start at and resolve 100% around money. Damn thing).

My mom… her birthday is nearing, in like two days, and I’m not sure how I feel about this. Sometimes I wonder if I’m doing the right thing by not talking to her. It’s just…every time I’ve tired it’s been such a major let down and disappointment, and it’s caused more heartache than not actually talking to her does.

So ya, that’s all my thoughts. 


About J.C. Hannigan

25. Mother. Wife. Lover of words. Weaver of stories. My first book, Collide, is available in e-book for Amazon Kindle and Kobo.
This entry was posted in college, just thinking aloud, me, money, my life, notes, struggles, stuff and stuff, thoughts, updates. Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to Currently Thinking,

  1. tierney says:

    Just wrote a comment and it got deleted 😦 in short…

    I think it's awesome you're considering school. I know how crappy the job prospects are when you're battling something like pain. I've done customer service, cashier, call centers, etc. and I'd come home after 6 hours in tears. I nanny now and while it's tiring, it's also manageable.

    My plan to become a teacher was largely inspired by my pain. The idea of having set hours, no shifts, the ability to sit/stand/walk as needed & no heavy lifting were contributing factors. I'm on medication daily to help with the pain and the prospect of teaching is still frightening so I understand where you're coming from.

    Werent you considering real estate? It seems as though that would be a promising field for you! If not, have you considered interior design? You could take courses & free lance your work or work for yourself. You'd have the ability to plan your own day, work on your own schedule and shop with others money? You seem to have a genuine interest in home decor, thats why I suggested it. Hopefully OSAP decides to give you another chance (haha) and you can set some plans in motion! Best of luck!

  2. Considering school is about as far as I can get at the moment…after thinking about it more, I think we've decided to wait a year or too and get Matt's career going solidly.

    Real estate is really expensive to get into too, which is why I haven't done it. Interior design is a rather unstable career, people can't really afford interior design haha! They just watch HGTV for inspiration 😉 and I suck at designing anyway bahah!

  3. Rachel-Ann says:

    lol i love how everything on your mind just laps to the next thing. it must be a women thing. life will happen for you guys. one minute you will be where you are now and the next you will be working the kids will be in school and it will all be moving so fast. take your time injoy time with the boys. then you can think of schools and work. i wish i was a sahm sometimes just to get some extra time with tristan. there will always be time just remember that.

  4. Anonymous says:

    I'm just going to throw this out there: I am a full-time student and the mother of a 15-month-old. I went back to class when my baby was one week old. I took him with me to class until he was three months and then he went to daycare part-time. My husband works full-time. I don't have a chronic pain disorder or two children, and I have to say that being a full-time mother (to one) and a full-time student is incredibly exhausting. I never – and I mean never – have any time to myself. I feel like when I am finished with my day (my toddler is now in daycare full-time), I should spend quality time with my baby and my husband. If I don't then I just make myself miserable, but if I do then I am also making the choice to put off my schoolwork, which just stresses me out even more. All said, it would be so much easier if I had finished my degree before having a baby and I have definitely seriously considered not finishing on more than one occasion. At one point before we had our son, my husband thought he would love to say home full-time and be a SAHD, but he spent 3 days alone with a sick 10-month-old when I was away at a conference last fall and he quickly changed his tune. He has said that he just doesn't know what to do with a baby all day. So there's that to consider as well.

    So here's my two cents: if I were in your position, I would wait until Nolan is in school (where I live, kids can start in an early kindergarten at age 4) and I would go back part-time, if possible. It will take you a bit longer, but you are still young and you have plenty of time to have a good, satisfying career. By the time you graduated, Archer would be in school as well, and then you'd be able to work during the day without worrying about paying for childcare. In the meantime, is it possible for you to take one class somewhere – maybe online through a local college, or one evening a week? This is how most of my mama friends are managing their education. One friend is taking one course per semester and occasionally skipping a semester here and there. You still have to do quite a bit of work outside of class, but at least it's more manageable than a full course-load. Just some thoughts…

  5. Those are very, VERY good thoughts and thank you for sharing them with me. You're right, of course, it is/will be hard. Online is something I could for sure look into, I was just concerned because when speaking to the program administrator she said that taking online classes wouldn't give me a diploma, and if I wanted a diploma I'd have to enroll full-time. I could “drop” the classes I took online but I wouldn't get a break on tuition so I'd loose money in the long run. I like your idea of part-time though. Nolan will be in school next year, you're right about that.

    Thank you for sharing ❤

  6. My thoughts are very organized haha! Have you seen “I Don't Know How She Does It” with Sarah Jessica Parker? Her night time list thing? Totally makes me laugh because that's me to a t. Every single night I do the list hahaha!

    I guess the grass is always greener. I think my main reason for wanting to go back to school is so that I don't end up like her, years of being a SAHM and no career training or anything like that. I don't want to go crazy haha 😦

  7. I'm not going to boot you in the butt. I'll be here when you're ready to send me something. I totally know what it feels like to get stuck like that. The only advice I can give is to just power through it — which is easier said than done, but so worth it when you do.

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