I’m lacking in blog inspiration today, there’s just so much going on in my head right now. So I decided to do a bits and pieces post, just because I can’t really focus on one “topic” or another today.
So, here we go.
I’m currently thinking about:
College… Non-stop. I have a bug, a bug to go back to school and get an education and a career. I feel so stuck being a SAHM with hardly any work experience and no college education. While I do enjoy being a SAHM, I think I would feel a lot better about myself if I had an education and maybe a part time job.Thanks to my disability, my body lacks the stamina to work the jobs available to me. Believe me, I’ve tried. I loved my hostessing job but hated how much it drained me and caused me pain. I could barely move for days after a 5 hour shift, and all of my energy was going into that part-time job. I need to get an education that will wield job opportunities in places I can actually physically work in. Honestly, I’m so serious about this that I’ve filled out my OCAS application…I’m just waiting to submit it because I don’t really know where the money for school would come from. I’m banking on getting a loan from OSAP for tuition and books. We’re basically covered on living expenses and what not, thanks to my disability, and Matt would stay home with the kids while I’m in school so we wouldn’t have to worry about day care. The only problem is I don’t know if OSAP would even give me funding, what with me being a 2x college drop out…Matt is encouraging me to try anyway, if OSAP denies me funding then I’ll just wait I guess.
Money… This goes along with college and why I’ve been thinking about it so much. I want to be able to lessen the work load that will undoubtedly fall on Matt’s (fully capable) shoulders. I want us to live comfortably and not be so stretched every single month. Obviously, there isn’t much I can do at this point. I’m already doing all that I can. Every time I mention this, someone recommends babysitting. Unfortunately my limit is 2 kids, both mentally and physically. It’s one of the reasons why I got my tubes tied. Two is all I can handle, and I’m okay with that. Another thing friends and family have recommended is becoming a distributor to a company like Avon or Scentsy. Honestly though? I suck at being a salesperson. I can’t sell stuff. I mean, I can recommend stuff but I can’t be pushy. I’ve never been pushy and a lot of the time you need to be pushy to get a result. I back right off when someone says “Oh, I’m not interested” or “I don’t really know” because I know how it feels to be pushed into a corner and end up getting something – my mom did that to me a lot with the whole financial advising ordeal, and Xango and every other thing she tried…so yeah. That’s not an option for me at this point either!
Makeovers… It’s been so long since I had a “makeover”, and I’m kinda dying to change up my look a little bit. I’d like to dye my hair, find a new hair style, and go shopping. Obviously I can’t do any of the above with our current penny pinching money situation, but I’ve been thinking about what I’d like to do. I’ve also been thinking about home makeovers…I’ve been watching too much HGTV during the day. Seriously.
Writing… I’ve been thinking a lot about writing but I haven’t actually been writing. I need to start again, Liz is going to boot me in the butt. I know, I was so motivated a few weeks ago. I go through spurts though, where I want to write and can write and have all this creative energy and then suddenly it dries up and I think my ideas are stupid or pointless and just loose the drive, you know? I don’t know how to keep that drive there.
Kijiji… and how people really need to learn how to use the damn thing. I put our futon up for sale and have gotten a billion replies from people proclaiming to be interested and want to know when they can pick it up. I’ll give them a time frame and then hear absolutely nothing. It’s so freakin’ irritating! Why can’t people message only when they are SERIOUS about getting something, or if they change their mind or don’t have a way to get it, inform me?
Friends… I’m really missing my friends down south, but thankful for my friends up North. I’ve just got to make more time for them. I usually get so caught up in the day to day happenings and just literally being lazy that I forget to text or call people for weeks on end. It’s horrible.
Self Improvement… I’ve also been thinking a lot about self improvement. I know I need it, I’m not going to pretend to be perfect and someone I’m not. I’m trying to acknowledge the areas I need improvement on and in that regard I’ve been doing pretty good…but on making actual changes, I’ve kinda been sucking a little. I’m aware I’m being unreasonable/difficult but it’s hard to stop. Sometimes I wonder if I need some kind of medication to stop myself from getting all worked up and anxious over stupid/pointless things, or things I can’t change. But then I feel like medication would be the easy way out and I want to just figure out what my problems are and fix them on my own…(I know my problems start at and resolve 100% around money. Damn thing).
My mom… her birthday is nearing, in like two days, and I’m not sure how I feel about this. Sometimes I wonder if I’m doing the right thing by not talking to her. It’s just…every time I’ve tired it’s been such a major let down and disappointment, and it’s caused more heartache than not actually talking to her does.
So ya, that’s all my thoughts.