I’m the kind of person who needs to know exactly what our plan is, and then take all the steps I can to execute said plan as soon as humanly possible. Since we moved up North, Matt and I have been back on forth on moving back here (down south). I’m all for it, he’s back and forth but usually against. Until January, when he told me that we were definitely, most certainly moving home. And so, I took steps to start executing said move back home. I panicked for weeks and weeks on where we would live, how we would do this, and then we decided to move in with Matt’s mom and step-dad for a few months. This move would allow us extra time to figure things out, and pay off some of our consumers debt. A bunch of stress was lifted off my shoulders, and once we figured that out I was able to breathe a little better. I was able to start thinking about getting organized to move in with Kim and Kent. I still worried about merging two households, and stressed about how difficult it was going to be, but it was a plan.
Matt’s been very unhappy lately, and it’s my fault. I’ve been whining about moving back since we moved up North. It’s no secret that I want to be close to my family and friends. I’ve made that very clear. Matt has a hard time saying no to me, or disagreeing with me, so we generally end up doing what I want, even if it’s not what he wants or what’s even the best option for us. (Example: moving into a large house rental instead of saving money and staying put in our tiny two bedroom apartment). Matt agreed to find a new house rental because he wanted to make me happy.
This move has been all about me. There isn’t necessarily any more jobs for Matt down here than there us up North, but my motto was “well, you’re having trouble finding something there so why don’t we just move, be closer to my family and your mom, and we’ll go from there”. I’ll admit, I am a bit of a tyrant. When I see something I want, I hunger for it. I push for it. I wanted to move. I didn’t care that it wasn’t what Matt wanted, because I have this mentality that says “I know best, hush Matt” and that’s so not true, or fair, in fact Matt often knows better than I do 99.9% of the time. He’s more rational than I am. He’s less hopeful and more realistic. He knew that moving into the bigger house would equal out to more stress and less savings. But I didn’t care, because we needed the space, and because we didn’t really enjoy our landlords (the “rent-a-parents”, as I not so affectionately called them) basically telling us what to do and how to live.
And so, I sort of bullied Matt, unknowingly, into moving back home. I pushed for what I wanted and didn’t care to stop and listen to what he wanted. He wants to stay up North. He loves it there, and only agreed to moving back because he wants me to be happy, but he isn’t happy about this. And if we’re being honest, I adjust better. I’ve got a routine up North that I enjoy. EYC three times a week, baby group once a week, and a close mommy friend or two to hang with for play dates, as well as Mir and Seth. And I know, that’s not a whole lot of people but it’s enough for me to be pretty content with my life up North. I just wanted more because, well, I’m human and wanting more is something all humans do.
We were arguing a lot, just in general because he was not happy about having to move back here and I was just pushing for my way. But I would rather live anywhere than in a place that made us argue all the time, and sure…we argue up North, but not like we’ve been arguing. We’re happy up North, except for the stress of money and that will follow us no matter where we go.
And so, we aren’t moving now. We’re staying in our house rental, renting from a month to month basis until we come to an agreement and decide exactly where we want to go. Matt has some job opportunities North West that he’s going to look into, and his old boss is asking him about work again. Working at his old shop will still make me uneasy, given the track record, but it’s better than nothing and it will do for the time being. Who knows, maybe we’ll eventually come to an agreement on moving closer, but if not I’m okay with that.
I hate that we look indecisive, even if it’s true. Fact is, I wasn’t indecisive, I had made up my mind about moving. I guess what I need to take away from this, is to stop pushing for what I want and take into more consideration what my husband wants and what’s best for us as a family. Yes, I’m sad about not moving closer after all, but I am happy up North, and I could be happier still by putting more effort into our daily routines and even into making our house more of a home. Sure, we won’t be debt free in 6 months (and that sucks)…but if we’re smart about it, we could be debt free in 16 months, which is pretty good. I know people who won’t be debt free for years, so there’s that, right?
(By the way, this decision is final, or at least final for the next several months until we figure out if we’re gonna stay in our current rental or move from it. But we will be staying North).