And then, plans changed.

I’m the kind of person who needs to know exactly what our plan is, and then take all the steps I can to execute said plan as soon as humanly possible. Since we moved up North, Matt and I have been back on forth on moving back here (down south). I’m all for it, he’s back and forth but usually against. Until January, when he told me that we were definitely, most certainly moving home. And so, I took steps to start executing said move back home. I panicked for weeks and weeks on where we would live, how we would do this, and then we decided to move in with Matt’s mom and step-dad for a few months. This move would allow us extra time to figure things out, and pay off some of our consumers debt. A bunch of stress was lifted off my shoulders, and once we figured that out I was able to breathe a little better. I was able to start thinking about getting organized to move in with Kim and Kent. I still worried about merging two households, and stressed about how difficult it was going to be, but it was a plan.

Matt’s been very unhappy lately, and it’s my fault. I’ve been whining about moving back since we moved up North. It’s no secret that I want to be close to my family and friends. I’ve made that very clear. Matt has a hard time saying no to me, or disagreeing with me, so we generally end up doing what I want, even if it’s not what he wants or what’s even the best option for us. (Example: moving into a large house rental instead of saving money and staying put in our tiny two bedroom apartment). Matt agreed to find a new house rental because he wanted to make me happy.

This move has been all about me.  There isn’t necessarily any more jobs for Matt down here than there us up North, but my motto was “well, you’re having trouble finding something there so why don’t we just move, be closer to my family and your mom, and we’ll go from there”. I’ll admit, I am a bit of a tyrant. When I see something I want, I hunger for it. I push for it. I wanted to move. I didn’t care that it wasn’t what Matt wanted, because I have this mentality that says “I know best, hush Matt” and that’s so not true, or fair, in fact Matt often knows better than I do 99.9% of the time. He’s more rational than I am. He’s less hopeful and more realistic. He knew that moving into the bigger house would equal out to more stress and less savings. But I didn’t care, because we needed the space, and because we didn’t really enjoy our landlords (the “rent-a-parents”, as I not so affectionately called them) basically telling us what to do and how to live.

And so, I sort of bullied Matt, unknowingly, into moving back home. I pushed for what I wanted and didn’t care to stop and listen to what he wanted. He wants to stay up North. He loves it there, and only agreed to moving back because he wants me to be happy, but he isn’t happy about this. And if we’re being honest, I adjust better. I’ve got a routine up North that I enjoy. EYC three times a week, baby group once a week, and a close mommy friend or two to hang with for play dates, as well as Mir and Seth. And I know, that’s not a whole lot of people but it’s enough for me to be pretty content with my life up North. I just wanted more because, well, I’m human and wanting more is something all humans do.

We were arguing a lot, just in general because he was not happy about having to move back here and I was just pushing for my way. But I would rather live anywhere than in a place that made us argue all the time, and sure…we argue up North, but not like we’ve been arguing. We’re happy up North, except for the stress of money and that will follow us no matter where we go.

And so, we aren’t moving now. We’re staying in our house rental, renting from a month to month basis until we come to an agreement and decide exactly where we want to go. Matt has some job opportunities North West that he’s going to look into, and his old boss is asking him about work again. Working at his old shop will still make me uneasy, given the track record, but it’s better than nothing and it will do for the time being. Who knows, maybe we’ll eventually come to an agreement on moving closer, but if not I’m okay with that.

I hate that we look indecisive, even if it’s true. Fact is, I wasn’t indecisive, I had made up my mind about moving. I guess what I need to take away from this, is to stop pushing for what I want and take into more consideration what my husband wants and what’s best for us as a family. Yes, I’m sad about not moving closer after all, but I am happy up North, and I could be happier still by putting more effort into our daily routines and even into making our house more of a home. Sure, we won’t be debt free in 6 months (and that sucks)…but if we’re smart about it, we could be debt free in 16 months, which is pretty good. I know people who won’t be debt free for years, so there’s that, right?

(By the way, this decision is final, or at least final for the next several months until we figure out if we’re gonna stay in our current rental or move from it. But we will be staying North).

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About J.C. Hannigan

25. Mother. Wife. Lover of words. Weaver of stories. My first book, Collide, is available in e-book for Amazon Kindle and Kobo.
This entry was posted in changes, lessons, life as I know it, marriage, plans, updates. Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to And then, plans changed.

  1. Nicole says:

    Don't worry about the way you “look”… you're the one that has to live with your decision… no one else. You guys need to do what is absolutely best for your marriage and for your boys. Good luck.

  2. jessi ♥ says:

    That's true, very true. Thank you Nicole!

  3. Poppy says:

    I second what Nicole said.

    Also, I understand feeling like you need to control everything but I also understand that when things don't go your way it can be a disaster and you might feel betrayed by something not working out how you planned it, and that's not fair to Matt. (Insert me as you and Dawg as Matt, I promise I've very recently done exactly this, but for a different circumstance.)

  4. Liz says:

    I don't think it's selfish of you to want to move back down south. It's very understandable. As much as I want to move down to Florida (which is way south of where I live), I know I'd miss my family every day. I think, though, that there comes a time when we all have to learn to be independent of our families and create our own lives. This is a constant argument between Mike and I; he doesn't want to move out of state, and I do. We've been at a stalemate for years, and I have no idea how it's going to result. I know two things: I love Florida, and the mild weather down there is easier on my joints. (The cost of living is also cheaper down there… but I digress.) But I get that Mike would miss his family. It's tough, trying to make decisions like that as a couple. Someone else almost always has to give in, and it sucks being that someone. I think it's really good that you and Matt can talk about these things and see it from all sides.

    Maybe you guys could start planning a specific number of yearly visits down south, that way you can continue to take advantage of the job prospects and your independence up north, but also get to see your family more often. For example, you could plan on visiting once in December for a couple of weeks, and once in July for a couple of weeks. I know it's easier said than done because it's so costly in gas and such a long drive, but you could start a savings account specifically for those visits, and just sock away five bucks a week. (Plus, if your bank offers interest on savings accounts, you'll be earning some money as you save. [That's the only way I'm buying a Mac; I'm saving $10-20 each week, and every month earn like $1 of interest.])

    PS: Like Nicole said, don't worry about how you look. It's your life! This is your space to write about your life, and a fact of life is that plans change (quite often sometimes).

  5. jessi ♥ says:

    I'm trying not to be upset about it, or feel betrayed because you're right. But it IS simply the whole plans not working out the way I thought, I'm really anal about plans lol. (Oh god…picturing the hits I'm gonna get for that word haha)

  6. jessi ♥ says:

    I hope you and Mike can come to an agreement soon. Florida would be better for my bones and health too, so I understand your want! Especially since I live up North and it's COLD there. But still.

    You're right about the visits, I've already started working out a schedule to make sure that we do budget for those trips. Our next one is April 27th, and then June 15th. I might have to be by myself though, since I need to stay down for a specialist appointment June 19th. Dreading a solo drive with two kids…hah.

    And thanks, you're right I shouldn't worry about how I look! Changing my mind is, after all, my business. If I want to do it again I will! But I doubt that will happen lol.

  7. Liz says:

    Honestly, I doubt it'll be any time soon, but a girl can dream! Basically, he wants to be able to jump on a plane if something were to happen to someone in his family. That, of course, requires lots of money that we don't have (I mean, we live with my parents, if that tells you anything). I think it's understandable but not very realistic. I mean, anything can happen, at any time. That isn't really a reason to not live your own life. Again… I digress. /:

    Yay for budgets! I love that we're both crackheads for budgets. I'm glad you're getting to go down twice in the next few months (even if one of the visits is because of an appointment [that you need, so yay for that]). Driving solo with two kids will be… interesting. Yeah, interesting! Heh. But give yourself credit: you did it with Nolan. Archer will probably sleep the whole time, anyway. (Hopefully.)

    Knowing you, it might. (; I'm teasing! Even if you did change your mind again, that's your prerogative.

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