Since Archer’s birth, I have always had someone around. For the first week, it was Kim. For the second week my friend Robyn came up. Since then it’s been Matt, who has been home because the shop has no work for him. I will continue to have his help until he finds another job.
Anyways, because of it…I haven’t really had to handle both the kids on my own. I mean, sure…Matt does leave us at home to go grocery shopping or run errands, and I do allow him his sleep in time in the morning. But that’s different because we aren’t going anywhere, we aren’t out and about and even with just being home I sometimes find that stressful. Like when Nolan wants lunch and I’m trying to fix it, but then Archer wants his lunch and starts crying, and then Nolan starts getting aggravated because I’m not “helping baby” but when I try to help baby he gets aggravated because he wants to eat. Holy smokes.
Yesterday I was getting ready for a walk with Matt and the boys. I was handling Archer and Matt was getting Nolan ready. Even though I was only handling one kid, I was overwhelmed and exhausted by the time we got outside.
How am I supposed to handle two kids on outings by myself? In theory, it sounds so easy. Get myself ready, get Nolan ready, get Archer ready, go. But in real life it’s so chaotic. Archer generally wants a top up when we need to leave somewhere, and Nolan gets sick of waiting and starts peeling off his outside clothes and shoes, or runs around and hides.
Also: I’m not a physically strong person, and I need both my hands to carry Archer’s baby carrier. How am I supposed to hold Nolan’s hand? He is a runner and it’s embarrassing to admit but he doesn’t listen to me when we’re going somewhere. He just gets so excited and his curiosity gets the best of him, he takes off exploring and doesn’t come back if I just call him. I have to go over, take him by the hand and lead him to the car or wherever we’re going.
I have a lot of anxiety when I think about him taking off when I’m trying to get us somewhere, so much so that I’m anxious right now just thinking about it.
There is talk of Matt applying to go out of province for work. I’m not going lie: I am positively terrified about having to tackle running errands with two kids. Grocery shopping, Walmart runs, trips to the park and EYC…holy crap. Don’t even get me started on the horrors of bath/bed time. Both kids require full attention right now, what if that doesn’t change? I’m sure I’ll figure something out, but damn.
I honestly didn’t expect to have such anxiety about going out with two kids to run errands. I’m embarrassed about it. Has anyone else gone through this after having another baby? Or is it just me?