Sweet November

I’ve always loved autumn…the crisp, cold air, the smells of decaying leaves, cuddles under heavy blankets while sipping hot drinks, Tim Hortons hot apple cider and dressing up in cozy layers. I really wish I could travel down south right this minute, to admire the beautiful, colourful Northern trees and scenery before the leaves all fall off and the snow comes.
November has always been a month full of excitement, anticipation, and yes…anxiety. With Christmas around the corner, I find myself jumping back and forth from extreme excitement to anxiety. 
This will be Archer’s first Christmas, and our first Christmas as a family of four…with not one but two little boys to spoil. For that, I am extremely excited and I can’t wait.
This is also the first Christmas where will be implementing our new traditions. Matt and I have talked about what we want for our kids, and after traveling all last Christmas we realized that staying home Christmas Eve and Christmas morning was something that we really want to do from here on out. 
On Christmas Eve, I want to read Twas the Night Before Christmas to my boys while they’re dressed in their cozy Christmas jammies, then have them hang their stockings and leave “reindeer food” for the reindeer. Just like I did with my family growing up.
Christmas morning, I want to wake up and go downstairs and watch the boys {ok, Nolan} open up stockings and presents from Santa. Then I want to have breakfast with my wee family before we finish opening up presents. I want to have a relaxed, laid back day playing with new toys and cooking a small Christmas dinner for us {unless we go over to Matt’s brother’s for dinner}. 
So, I’m excited for all those things and more.
What makes me anxious is the increased financial stresses and pressure to get everyone that perfect gift and finish in time. It’s pressure I put on myself, of course.
I need to learn how to mellow out and just enjoy myself. Hopefully, I can figure out just how to do that before winter sets in!
On a similar note, I really need to loosen the reigns on my need to control everything down to the finest detail. It’s driving me crazy and not helping us out. Although…I do really wish I knew what we were doing and where we will be in six months, location and Matt’s job wise. 
He’s been tossing the idea of working on the Yukon pipelines around. 20 days on, 10 days off and the pay is really good, like better than anything he could make locally. It would be the jump start to a better future that we desperately need…we’re both sick of living pay check to pay check and having little to nothing left over at the end of each month. 
I am scared at the possibility of “single parenting” while he’s gone for so long, I won’t lie. The idea of it terrifies me, and the idea of not falling asleep in his arms or kissing him every day or simply seeing him every day makes my heart sad.
But…if Matt did get a job on the pipelines, we would be able to do things a lot sooner. Replace our family vehicle, pay off some debts, send me to school, and be closer to our dream of buying our first home. Not to mention, we’d have more money to simply just breathe. 
Some months, it feels like we’re drowning in everything. 
So I’m really hoping that Matt will get that job. If he does, I will definitely be moving back down south with the kids to be in the same town as [most of] my family. I won’t lie, that’s very exciting. Matt loves the North, but if he is out of the province more often than not it makes sense for me to be closer to a stronger support system.
But, like I said, I wish I knew what we were doing, I wish I could tell myself “just x-amount of months of paycheck to paycheck, then things will improve” and actually believe it, you know? Or at least somehow put it from my mind and not stress/worry about it every day.
When did I become such a worry wart? I was a pretty carefree teen.
ANYWAYS, I need to focus on my NaNoWriMo story. Or at least, writing out the plot because I still have no idea what story I’m going to go with.

Happy November!


About J.C. Hannigan

25. Mother. Wife. Lover of words. Weaver of stories. My first book, Collide, is available in e-book for Amazon Kindle and Kobo.
This entry was posted in excitement, the future, thoughts. Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to Sweet November

  1. I feel ya! I told my husband, crap it's November! We need to start thinking about Christmas! He feels like it's sooo far away. I reminded him that it is just 4 short paychecks away. That changed his tune real quick!

  2. jess ♥ says:

    @Ashlee: I'll say! So very close, I'm already freaking out haha!!

  3. We are ready for more private Christmases as well. Although, my parents will be here for Christmas morning this year since they're staying with us for the holidays. As for the job prospect, if it were me, I would tell Ryan to go for it. It will be hard, absolutely, but I think it could better your lives too. A lot of families consider the financial comfort worth it. If I'm completely wrong and it created too much stress for you guys, could he go back to his old job?

  4. Lisa says:

    I TOTALLY know what you mean about wanting to know everything that's going to happen and when. I'm the exact same way, and it drives my boyfriend crazy. I'm a huge planner and sometimes it really freaks me out to give up that kind of control over the future.

  5. jess ♥ says:

    @Danielle-Marie: I totally want to see my dad and sisters and grandparents {and Matt's mom etc} on Christmas day, I just don't want to be the one doing all the traveling you know? It was easier when we had just Nolan, and easier still when we didn't have kids…now it's just super difficult. I can't imagine packing up my small car with 2 kids, overnight/weekend stuff AND any goods they got, it just wouldn't work lol.

    @Lisa: It really freaks me out too. I just wish I could KNOW that everything would work out and how {and when}!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s