Eight…

Eight more days until c-section day…I can’t believe how close we are to the finish line. I have really been thinking about how amazing it’s going to be. I know, it’s gonna be hard adjusting to life with a newborn and a toddler all whilst recovering from major surgery…and I am nervous, but I am so so very excited. I can’t wait for Nolan to meet his baby brother for the first time. I can’t wait for Nolan to hold his brother for the very first time. 
I am incredibly nervous about everything. I’m nervous that Nolan will be upset that the baby is getting attention, and I’m nervous about the recovery time. My wonderful mother-in-law is coming down from the 4th to the 10th, and Matt has weekends off and aside from that can only take a week off. I think my younger sister is going to try and come out too, and my friend Robyn. But I’m still nervous. I’m worried that I won’t be able to handle things physically when my help is gone. I’m worried that I’ll push myself and end up hurting myself. I’m trying not to stress about things though, because it’s pointless; this c-section is happening. 
I’m not afraid of the c-section, not at all. The only part of that entire procedure that scares me is the whole spinal epidural. Seriously, cut my stomach open, slice through muscles and pull all my insides out and I’m cool but stick a needle in my back and I’m a mess. 
And…if I’m being honest here…I’m still upset over the lack of a mother thing. I’m not gonna do anything crazy, like email her and beg her to be a part of my life again {because CLEARLY she doesn’t want to be}, but I am super bummed out about the lack of a mother who cares. It stings to know that she should be here, but I know I’m better off. I don’t want her here in her current state. I just wish that, well…she wasn’t in her current state.

But, the “person” {for lack of a better word} she’s become is not one I want to have around me anyway. So, that makes me slightly stronger. It just sucks that she is that way, you know? I know that I will be fine. The rest of my family is amazing, so there is that.

This afternoon I have another OB appointment. I’m really hoping that he won’t be called out for any reason, because I missed last week’s appointment due to him being called into the hospital. I know, he’s got babies to birth and stuff, but I want to confirm with him that the tubal is indeed happening, and I want to ask more questions about the c-section. Stitches or staples? I would prefer staples. While they are in they hurt, but I find I healed so flawlessly after they were out. I also want to know roughly how long I will be in the hospital. I don’t want to miss Thanksgiving weekend, or spend it in the hospital.

Despite all my worries, I’m so excited for October 5th! I can’t wait to hold my sweet boy for the first time! I can’t wait to see the look on Matt’s face when he is born. I remember the look he had when Nolan came into the world, and seriously? It turns my heart to goo every time I think about it. I’m going to see if Kim can loan me her camera too, so that I can snap a picture of Matt’s face when he sees his son for the first time, when he holds him in his arms.

Eight more days.

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About J.C. Hannigan

25. Mother. Wife. Lover of words. Weaver of stories. My first book, Collide, is available in e-book for Amazon Kindle and Kobo.
This entry was posted in excitement, stuff, thoughts, updates, worries. Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to Eight…

  1. dramaticmama says:

    I can't wait to see your new babes!!
    So excited!!! 🙂 <333

  2. SO exciting!! Hooray! I'm so happy fot you! I can't wait for you to meet your 2nd little man!

    Also, you're going to be fine. I'm sure you were nervous about having N. And look at you now! You're totally gonna rock this mama!

  3. And that was supposed to be happy “for” you. HA HA! Stupid typos!

  4. jess ♥ says:

    @dramaticmama: 🙂

    @Old School/New School Mom: I hope so! And thank you 🙂

  5. I understand your worries. I was there just over a year ago. Everything will be okay. It's a huge adjustment for everyone, but it's a wonderful adjustment too. Be prepared to hear me yelling at you to take it easy in the few moments you'll have to relax! You're going to be so thankful you had your children close together when your littlest one gets mobile and your two boys can play together. It's so wonderful. Eeeeeeeee. Excited for you!

  6. jess ♥ says:

    @Danielle-Marie: You're right, of course! Taking it easy will probably be easy to do the first little while haha! 😉 well, as easy as I can take it with a toddler and a newborn! But seriously, since this is our last baby I'm gonna wanna REALLY enjoy the newborn days…so screw cleaning! haha

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