I get a little bummed out that I can’t make my visions a reality.
I had certain things in mind for our home, for our boys’ bedrooms…
and it sucks that I can’t just make them happen with a snap of my finger.
I had this totally modern, awesome owl incorporated theme planned out for sweet baby’s nursery…
but then I had to reel myself in.
A lot.
Because life happened, and life is expensive and you can’t really budget for it.
At least not as strictly as I’ve been trying to.
So now, we’re recycling Nolan’s nursery theme & changing things up by painting furniture.
I hope that it will make the room entirely different…but who knows.
I’m also bummed out because I wanted to have the spare bedroom, play room, and rec room all set up by October.
…I doubt that will happen.
We were so close to buying a super awesome couch and chair for our rec room, 
but then my exhaust blew.
So, no awesome couch and chair.
No finished rec room.
And I know, we will get there…one day. Maybe not as soon as I want to be there…but we’ll get there.
For the most part, I am incredibly okay with everything and super happy.
For the most part, I know that it doesn’t matter what my boys’ bedrooms look like – they don’t care.
I know that the gift isn’t the space you put them into, but just having them.
Enjoying them.
But sometimes…
I just get bummed out that I can’t do/give them more
Cute bedrooms, family vacations, trips to the zoo. 
Sometimes, I get bummed out reading about everyone elses’ adventures.
I want to have adventures, adventures with my boys…with my family.
But adventures, cost money. Generally.
Sometimes I feel stuck because I have all these to-do lists, all these bucket lists that I want to start crossing things off of…and yet…I can’t.
For whatever reason.
Usually money.
Emily said it best: it is the root of all evil. 
I dislike telling myself “oh, we’ll go do this next year…when we have the money”…
feels like I’ve been saying that for years now.
I am thankful for good health, and for what we do have.
We are lucky…I know that. 
We have a roof over our heads, food in our fridge, and clothes on our backs.
Bills are overwhelming…but they get paid. 
But I can’t help but feel that if we had just a little more money, we’d be able to enjoy things more,
we’d be able to appreciate the finer things because we wouldn’t be so wrapped up in worries and stress.
I guess I’m just having a hard day…
one of those sometimes days.
I’ve come to realize that our camping trip might not happen.
And it makes me incredibly sad, because I was so looking forward to it…
but, camping is expensive. 
We didn’t get on our feet like I thought we would this month.
Bills ended up being more than I accounted for, the whole car/exhaust thing…our trip down South.
That’s life, right? 

About J.C. Hannigan

25. Mother. Wife. Lover of words. Weaver of stories. My first book, Collide, is available in e-book for Amazon Kindle and Kobo.
This entry was posted in I don't really know, rambling, sad, stuff, the blah blah blah. Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to Sometimes…

  1. Jessa says:

    My kids have never had a themed room. I've never been able to decorate the way I want. My home is never my vision. Our cars have issues. It is life and you do what you can with what you have. I wouldn't even be creative enough to refurbish my furniture to give it new life. Pat yourself on the back and keep going because you are doing great.

  2. jessi ♥ says:

    @Jessa: I know it sounds bad…but that makes me feel better. Just knowing that I'm not the *only* one out there, you know? Thanks love ❤

  3. I HATE money. I HATE IT. It almost destroyed Ryan and I. After three years of struggling to make ends meet, we finally hit a stroke of luck. Ryan got a great job and it changed everything. But when we were both students, and when Ryan was a student working full time, and I was a stay at home mom to Landon, also pregnant with Hannah…oh man. I never thought we'd get where we are today. I wished for all the things you wish for now. I sat on my Salvation Army furniture and ate at my dog chewed table (no, I'm not exaggerating) and I just let it all out…I cried. I wanted so much more for my kids than I could offer them. But I look back and my parents started from the ground up too. And now they have a great, COMFORTABLE lifestyle. It's like you said…we'll all get there. Little by little.

  4. Heather says:

    I think we have all been there (unless you're a trust fund baby, which I am NOT) but we just have to keep going.

    Money is extremely tight for a lot of us, especially as prices keep rising but paychecks stay the same. I'm sure Nolan and the new baby won't care that their rooms were not perfect, they just want hugs and kisses. It still sucks to not be able to decorate how you want. I'm there right now (it doesn't help that the boyfriend and I have such different decorate styles, grr!)

    Why don't you guys go camping in the living room? I'm sure Nolan would think that's the coolest thing ever 🙂

  5. jessi ♥ says:

    @Danielle-Marie: Again, I feel better hearing that we aren't the only couple battling this! And you're right…we will get there, little by little. Sometimes, it just sucks. Sometimes I do cry because I want to have new stuff/go shopping for the kids. But..we'll get there.

    @Heather: I am also not a trust fund baby {I WISH! lol}. We aren't short on love in this house, so there is that…our kiddos will always have cuddles and kisses and play time with us. That's actually a pretty good idea, but I think Nolan *might* be a little young to comprehend that. We might still be able to go camping later this month…we'll have to see!

  6. hang in there. money troubles are SO stressful! We've had/have our fair share. This time next year wil be very different for you guys I'm sure 😀
    <3 <3

  7. jessi ♥ says:

    @Cristy Muranda: Thanks love! I hope you're right ❤

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