Truth Time…

I’ve been feeling very depressed over the past several months. I’ve stopped doing things that I enjoy doing, like taking Nolan to play groups and going to the movies with my friend Miranda every other Tuesday cheap night. I’ve become a hermit, and I don’t like it. I feel like I’m loosing myself…I haven’t really been doing things for me when I really should. I didn’t even notice it was happening until my landlord, Arlene, begged me to go to coffee group today and I actually went.

We had a speaker come in to talk about postpartum depression, motherhood myths and moods. And while although I don’t fit the category of having postpartum depression, I definitely fall into the “depressed” category, and I’ve been allowing that depression to get the best of me. I’m not saying I need medication, but I definitely have to stop letting myself be alone all the time. I have to stop letting myself hole up and hide inside my house. Yes, it’s winter, yes it’s cold out and it sucks going outside. But I need to dedicate once a week, at the very least, where we do go out.

So every Tuesday, I’m going to start going to coffee group again. It wasn’t hard taking both T and Nolan. The only hard and difficult part was arguing with Matt because I was in a bad mood and he wasn’t exactly being sympathetic or understanding. When we got there, it was smooth sailing. After the speaker finished her presentation, I hung out with the other ladies and got to hold an adorable 7 month old baby girl. She was so tiny and cute! I wish I could have joined the other ladies for lunch, but I just didn’t have the funds so I took the kiddos home and we had lunch here.

I feel refreshed already, I do. And I’ve realized a lot of things after listening to that lady speak about postpartum depression, motherhood myths and moods:

  1. I don’t have to be perfect, my house doesn’t have to look perfect and my kid doesn’t have to look perfect too. Life is messy, not perfect.
  2. I need to realize that being a stay at home mom is the hardest job one could ever have. If you were to pay someone to do each of the individual things that I and other stay at home moms do during the day, you’d be spending a lot of money. My job is important. I’ve always known this, but I let other people who don’t think being a SAHM is a good contribution to society get to me.
  3. I need to get out and do things for me. Tuesday coffee group will be for me. Not even for Nolan or T to get out of the house, because I’m pretty sure they could care less. Yes, they have fun, but they’re happy here too. I need it for my sanity. 
  4. I need to get out completely by myself every once in a while too. I need to start going with Mir to the movies on cheap night. 
  5. I need to stop feeling like I failure if I don’t get something right or done. 

So yeah, I need to kick this depression in the ass and get out there and do for me. No more excuses! No more “it’s too cold out!” The only exception I will make for missing coffee group is snow storms, and only because other people in this town suck at driving and the anxiety is just not worth it.


About J.C. Hannigan

25. Mother. Wife. Lover of words. Weaver of stories. My first book, Collide, is available in e-book for Amazon Kindle and Kobo.
This entry was posted in depression, motherhood, realizations, scribbles. Bookmark the permalink.

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