Truth Time…

I’ve been feeling very depressed over the past several months. I’ve stopped doing things that I enjoy doing, like taking Nolan to play groups and going to the movies with my friend Miranda every other Tuesday cheap night. I’ve become a hermit, and I don’t like it. I feel like I’m loosing myself…I haven’t really been doing things for me when I really should. I didn’t even notice it was happening until my landlord, Arlene, begged me to go to coffee group today and I actually went.

We had a speaker come in to talk about postpartum depression, motherhood myths and moods. And while although I don’t fit the category of having postpartum depression, I definitely fall into the “depressed” category, and I’ve been allowing that depression to get the best of me. I’m not saying I need medication, but I definitely have to stop letting myself be alone all the time. I have to stop letting myself hole up and hide inside my house. Yes, it’s winter, yes it’s cold out and it sucks going outside. But I need to dedicate once a week, at the very least, where we do go out.

So every Tuesday, I’m going to start going to coffee group again. It wasn’t hard taking both T and Nolan. The only hard and difficult part was arguing with Matt because I was in a bad mood and he wasn’t exactly being sympathetic or understanding. When we got there, it was smooth sailing. After the speaker finished her presentation, I hung out with the other ladies and got to hold an adorable 7 month old baby girl. She was so tiny and cute! I wish I could have joined the other ladies for lunch, but I just didn’t have the funds so I took the kiddos home and we had lunch here.

I feel refreshed already, I do. And I’ve realized a lot of things after listening to that lady speak about postpartum depression, motherhood myths and moods:

  1. I don’t have to be perfect, my house doesn’t have to look perfect and my kid doesn’t have to look perfect too. Life is messy, not perfect.
  2. I need to realize that being a stay at home mom is the hardest job one could ever have. If you were to pay someone to do each of the individual things that I and other stay at home moms do during the day, you’d be spending a lot of money. My job is important. I’ve always known this, but I let other people who don’t think being a SAHM is a good contribution to society get to me.
  3. I need to get out and do things for me. Tuesday coffee group will be for me. Not even for Nolan or T to get out of the house, because I’m pretty sure they could care less. Yes, they have fun, but they’re happy here too. I need it for my sanity. 
  4. I need to get out completely by myself every once in a while too. I need to start going with Mir to the movies on cheap night. 
  5. I need to stop feeling like I failure if I don’t get something right or done. 

So yeah, I need to kick this depression in the ass and get out there and do for me. No more excuses! No more “it’s too cold out!” The only exception I will make for missing coffee group is snow storms, and only because other people in this town suck at driving and the anxiety is just not worth it.

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About J.C. Hannigan

25. Mother. Wife. Lover of words. Weaver of stories. My first book, Collide, is available in e-book for Amazon Kindle and Kobo.
This entry was posted in depression, motherhood, realizations, scribbles. Bookmark the permalink.

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