Worries & Excitement.

I’m not going to lie: I’m petrified. I am eager for April, because then I can get my 12 week ultrasound and see the little bean, and know everything’s good. But in the meantime? I need to try and calm myself for 8 weeks. That’s a painfully long time to wait, to try to chill out and not freak out.

I’m worried that I “jinxed” things by telling people “so early”. Especially when people say “I hope everything works out! It is super early, after all!”

I know we told people just as early with Nolan, and everything worked out. So I’m holding on to that but I’m half ready to buy one of those heart detector things for my peace of mind, which makes absolutely no sense since I won’t even be able to hear the heartbeat until 12 weeks or so. Too bad you can’t buy home ultrasound machines! I probably would.

I think I’m so worried because I’m so excited about this. I can’t wait for Nolan to put his hands on my belly and feel his little sibling kicking. I can’t wait to see the two of them together for the first time. I can’t wait to watch Nolan “teach” his sibling things, like how to share and how to play with toys. I can’t wait for our wee family of three to be four.

I may not have let the whole “trying for a baby” take over my mind, but this pregnancy sure has in the short time I’ve known about it. I’m the most impatient person in the world! I’m stopping at two kids, for sure now. Pregnancy requires a lot more patience than I have. Although I’m sure I’ll chill out just a little bit after the ultrasound and after I start feeling movements. The beginning is hard because {until the nausea kicks in}, you don’t feel pregnant. You can’t really feel any of the stuff that’s happening in your womb. I mean, sure, you have some symptoms and the stick says “PREGNANT” but until you get kicked in the ribs you worry.

Boy or girl, either way I’ll be happy, but I must confess I am hoping for a girl. Only because one of each would be awesome. She could crush on all his friends, and he could protect her in high school! Two boys would be just as awesome, but I know myself well enough to know I will be bothering Matt for just one more, hoping to get our baby girl. The little outfits you can get for girls just slay me: leggings, dresses, bows, pretty little hats and headbands…oh lordy stop me now. I’ll probably end up with two boys, just because my secret desire is a girl haha. Although, with Nolan the entire time I wanted a boy. Of course when they confirmed he had all the right parts for a boy, I did have that fleeting moment of “I wonder what having a girl would be like“, but it was gone within a second because the entire time I wanted a boy. So perhaps “desire” isn’t always wrong, since it was right with Nolan?

Either way, we’ll be stoked. I can promise you that.

I hope April arrives soon, because I need to get that ultrasound. I am so excited to see the little beaner!


About J.C. Hannigan

25. Mother. Wife. Lover of words. Weaver of stories. My first book, Collide, is available in e-book for Amazon Kindle and Kobo.
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