A Question.

There is a question that has been weighing heavily on my mind. Do I tell her? “Her” being the woman who gave birth to me?

I haven’t really gone into detail about the whole lack-of-a-relationship with my mom, except for a few sparse posts on my other blog, and I’ll keep it “short and sweet” here. Mainly because I don’t have all day to write out everything that has ever happened and all the stuff that lead up to this.

But the bottom line is: I don’t talk to her anymore. Occasionally, she texts me or sends me a stupid chain forward. But that’s the extent of our conversation. She’s called me once since the whole “thing” went down – on my older sisters birthday. I’m pretty sure the only reason why she even called in the first place was to tell me that she tried to get a hold of S {older sister} but couldn’t. She probably just wanted someone to know.

She rarely talks to any of us. She’s hurt us all so much by what she did. Basically, she hooked up with an undesirably character with a criminal record and we didn’t approve ~ especially because she disappeared with the guy for nearly a month, leaving Jojo at home alone with two welfare druggie kids my mom let live with them. We worried about her and thought she was being foolish and kept telling her that Jojo needed her. She did, Jojo was already feeling abandoned by my dad {she wasn’t, she just felt it because my dad left my mom} and she really needed my mom around. After my dad told us all what he heard from the police about this new “friend” of moms, Jojo told her she was uncomfortable with my mom’s new “friend” coming around and not even two days later my mom sent Jojo a text that read “get out of my house by tomorrow or I will call the police“. Yup, my mom kicked Jojo out – via a text message – while she was still on that one month “vacation”.

My mom basically decided that her new “friends” were more supportive and better company than her own family. Strictly for these reasons:

  1. We all felt that she needed to get a job and focus on improving her life while my mom felt she needed to focus on either getting my dad back or getting a “replacement” because she didn’t want to be alone for the rest of her life.
  2. We were all sick of her trash talking our father, the man who has never done us wrong. He may have left my mom, but he has always been there for his daughters.
  3. We were tired of her not accepting any responsibility for where she went wrong/what she did wrong in her relationship with my dad. Everything was my dad’s fault. She did nothing wrong.
  4. We were tired of everything always being about the fact that “dad left her”. Even my wedding day was all about her and dad. 
  5. We deleted her off Facebook because we got tired of her rants about my dad and the separation etc, plus we didn’t want her new “friend” to see any of our information.
  6. We didn’t approve of her taking off for one month after my dad bought her a new house, and we didn’t approve of her leaving Jojo alone for that long, when Jojo needed someone around to enforce rules and make sure she was taking her pills and getting to her doctors appointments. Jojo has a mental illness that needed monitoring. 
  7. We didn’t approve of her new “friend”, especially after we got confirmation that he was a gang member with a record.
  8. When she did kick Jojo out, she got mad because we ALL told her off and called her a bad parent. She called kicking Jojo out “tough love” because “nothing else worked and she kept breaking rules”. First of all, what rules? My mom was never there to enforce rules. Second of all, she didn’t even try any other techniques on Jojo. Because she wasn’t there. 
  9. Worst of all, about a month or two after Jojo got kicked out, my mom put the house dad bought her on the market and wrote on Facebook that she was going to move to BC. Interesting, huh?
  10. She sold the oak table that we wanted to keep in the family, and dropped off all the stuff she couldn’t sell on Kijiji off at our uncles place. Boxes of her ultrasound pictures from when we were in her belly, pictures we made them, all that crap.

So yeah, most of me is saying “NO! she doesn’t get to know,” about the pregnancy. But then there is a tinsy, tiny part of me that wonders if I should tell her. Then I quickly think about S, and how our mom never calls her to see how she’s doing and she knew about S’s pregnancy before all that above crap went down. Plus…what will telling her do? Matt and I both agree that until she gets help for whatever mental illness she appears to have {she’s downright crazy}, and until she no longer hangs out with these undesirable characters, she will have zero contact with us. As in, we will not meet with her in person. She will not get to see our son {and our future baby}. If she is associating with gang members and criminals, we just can’t have that in our life. Plus she doesn’t seem to care, because she rarely talks to me anyway. Or any of my sisters. If anything, she talks to K a little bit. Never to Jojo and never to S.

I’m angry that I don’t have a “mother”. I’m angry that whatever bond was left between us {and trust me, it was on shaky ground before she went of the deep end} is completely gone. I don’t think that it can ever be repaired. I will never trust her again. I don’t trust that she does what’s best for her kids and grandkids. I don’t trust that she’s sane.

I have nothing against people with mental illnesses, but my mom is rather dangerous to be around at this point. She doesn’t even recognize that she has one, so she’s not taking anything for it or making any steps to get better.

So, yeah. That all sucks…just a little.

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About J.C. Hannigan

25. Mother. Wife. Lover of words. Weaver of stories. My first book, Collide, is available in e-book for Amazon Kindle and Kobo.
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2 Responses to A Question.

  1. Jessa says:

    If I had a relationship like that, which I guess I do, then no I wouldn't tell her. I haven't had even a one word conversation with my father since sometime in 2000. And I don't regret. He's never met my children; though I think my brother had pictures out once. He's, to put it somewhat nicely, an asshole to 100th degree.

  2. jessi ♥ says:

    @Jessa: 😦 ugh. it's the worst.

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