Oh.

That would be a {somewhat faint} pink line, which apparently means…pregnant. I am pregnant. We found out last night {February 5th, 2011}. It’s still super early {I think}, but we still told our family members ~ my dad, Matt’s parents, all of our siblings.

As always, I’m nervous for telling people “so soon”. But I’m not good at keeping things, news, from our family members. I’d rather them know sooner rather than later, to give them a lot of time to adjust to the idea.

That ain’t no food baby.

I look like I’m starting to show: a wee little belly that is far bigger than my little “after-baby” gut I’ve been sporting since Nolan’s birth. Before, it looked like I constantly had a food baby. Now? It looks like there’s an actual, legit baby in there. And there is {I think that’s what the two lines mean} but, ya. I know with Nolan, I didn’t start showing until I was like 20 weeks. But apparently with your 2nd, you show a lot quicker, something about “muscle memory” or whatever.

In any case, we’re over the moon. A little nervous – since it’s so early, but completely stoked.

I am slightly bummed out that getting the koi quarter sleeve is out of the question, and finishing the huge 26er of Cherry Vodka also won’t be happening for a while. But this is definitely something we want, which is why we we’re trying.

I am a little surprised that it happened so quickly though. I was expecting it to take months, especially since I just went off my pill and this whole trying thing only started in the last month.

I’m also nervous. I don’t know any of the “good” OBs, or midwives. I don’t even have a family doctor out here. Can you believe that? We’ve been trying to find one since last January with no luck. Everyone’s full. So poor little Nolan and I have had to rely on the walk in clinic and emergency room for our health care. Nolan does have a pediatrician, but they still recommend you have a family doctor.

This morning, we’re going over to my SIL’s for a brunch with the family. Everyone on Matt’s immediate dad’s side will be there; his dad, step-mom, brother and his brother’s wife. One brother is missing. Everyone already knows {because we chose to tell our family members last night} so I’m nervous.

Last time we were pregnant, it was not well received with Matt’s step-mom {and dad, apparently}. I know his dad said he was happy for us and sounded excited last night, but he sounded the same last time too. We didn’t know he had any “problems” with it until we got up North for a family Christmas get together and I got the reaming out of my lifetime by my SMIL about how we were ruining both our lives, and the baby’s life, and I should have gotten an “A” or not gotten pregnant in the first place. So I’m incredibly nervous that today will go much like that Christmas dinner. That we’ll get there, and SMIL will feel the need to “share her opinion” with us. Especially since when we moved out, I received tons of nasty emails about how I was ruining Matt’s chances for success {because apparently living there would be less stress then living on our own}.

The worst part is that I’m not sure how I’d handle that. I’m a lot more vocal and a lot less willing to put up with someone smash talking me. After months of living with Matt’s dad and step-mom, I’m proud to say I’ve developed a little bit of a back bone. My motto is now this: if you don’t like it, you don’t have to be a part of our lives. Harsh eh? But we’re not going to spend the rest of our lives hearing all about how we’re screwing this and that up. We’re living our life together, the way we want. And if we want to have another baby…so be it.

Of course, I’m totally a doormat so who knows. I’d probably sit there getting reamed out, weakly try to defend myself and our decisions, and get nowhere because when Matt’s dad and step-mom think they’re right…oh man. Watch out.

And I’m worried that this pregnancy will upset my sister-in-law. She’s been trying to get pregnant too and I guess I beat yet another woman to the two-lined finish. Last time it was my sister, Shannon. At least I can’t possibly upset her – she’s already ready pregnant. Haha. Sorry, weak joke…I’m nervous here. About today and what not.

I feel rather stupid for telling people early. But where else am I going to write my nerves away? I was going to post over at my other blog but there are a ton more readers than the six I’ve chosen thus far to read this little space.

So, that’s the dealo.

I’m nervous.

Mostly about today, and about the first trimester. It’s always the scariest. Also because I’m worried that it’s a “fake positive” and that I’ve just alerted the troops for no reason.

I’m going to the walk in clinic early this week to see how far along I am and what not. Hopefully my SIL won’t be mad or upset with me, and can give me some tips on where the good OBS and what not are.

It’s funny how clueless you can be even the second time around.

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About J.C. Hannigan

25. Mother. Wife. Lover of words. Weaver of stories. My first book, Collide, is available in e-book for Amazon Kindle and Kobo.
This entry was posted in confusion, pregnancy, scribbles, worries. Bookmark the permalink.

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