Trying

Matt and I made a decision a little while ago to try for baby #2. I wanted to have our babies before I went to college, that way I wouldn’t need to take any time off after college to have more {because we knew we definitely wanted two}, and I could just go straight from school to working full-time. I know that school with two kids will be hard, but I’m willing to do it because I think it will be harder to go to college, take time off right after college {as we don’t want the kiddos having too much of an age difference between them}, and then forget everything I learned in school. I’d like to go fresh from college into working so I can apply what I learned and gain immediate work experience.

Plus, I’d like to be a stay-at-home mom for the first few years of their lives. So far, I’ve been lucky enough to get that desire with Nolan. I have been a stay-at-home-mom since before he was born. Matt has always been the breadwinner. It will be the same for baby #2, only by the time he/she is born, Matt will have graduated from his program. We aren’t worried about him not finding work – Matt already has a job lined up that will fetch a pretty penny. This job will be at the place he’s currently working part time at. He’s doing fusion welding at a shop about 20 minutes away.

Fusion welding isn’t the kind of welding Matt wants to do, he’d ideally like to build bridges and what not. But this job will put food on the table and keep a roof over our heads while he applies and waits to get in with a union somewhere.

I haven’t told many people about our decision to try again. I mentioned to my dad and sisters that I will be having my 2nd child before going to college, but I haven’t told anyone that we’re “trying” right now. I’m actually afraid that our decision will be met with comments that we don’t want to hear. Comments like it’s too soon, you guys just got out of debt…and so on and so forth. 

I don’t think my fear is unfounded. Our first pregnancy was an unplanned surprise, neither Matt and I were financially stable or even working for that matter. So nobody was thrilled about it. Our wedding was also a huge stress on everyone – not so much my family, but more so Matt’s dad. He was going through a divorce with Matt’s step-mom and felt that I was being cruel by focusing on our wedding instead of his divorce {it’s rather silly, but I don’t want to get into that now}. Matt’s dad even mentioned that it would be foolish of us to even think about having another baby right now.

But really? It’s not foolish. Right now, we aren’t in any debt – despite the fact that Matt is in school full time. We are managing our money extremely well and even saving a lot. We don’t have house payments or credit card payments to worry about. We’re probably in a better position now to have another baby then we’d be 5 years down the road.

Don’t get me wrong, our families are very supportive of us…they’re just opinionated. And that’s okay. But I’m really afraid that this pregnancy will be met with the same “you should have waited” views as our first one was, and even our wedding. I would like, for once, one of our milestones to be accepted and even met with a little excitement.

So we’re keeping it on the down low. Until now, I guess. This is the first time I’ve written about it publicly too. On my other blog, I just feel that I can’t mention it. I have no idea why. I hate how a space gets so constricted with what you can and can’t say. {Which is kind of why I created this blog in the first place}.

I have no idea how long this whole “trying” process is going to take. I’ve never tried for a baby before, Nolan was an unplanned surprise. My focuses right now are just trying not to let it control my life. We’re trying to approach the whole thing with a “whatever happens, happens” attitude and so far it’s working out for us…but then and again, this is month #1 of trying. I went off my birth control just last month and my expected “visitor” isn’t until next week. So I guess we’ll see how disappointed I am if it arrives.

I’m the kind of person who must plan every aspect of my life in detail, probably because I’ve spent so much of it not planning and that’s why things were tough for a while there. There was the unplanned pregnancy with a somewhat new relationship, the fact that I’ve dropped out of college twice now {once for Social Service Work, and once for Dental Reception when I found out I was pregnant}, and our debt. Our debt wasn’t entirely my fault – it was both our fault, but still. Poor planning got us into trouble, and now I’m obsessed with planning things thoroughly out.

But yeah, I guess what I’m trying to say is that we’re trying, and I’m trying not to go crazy with planning details. It’s pretty bad when you’re not even pregnant yet and you’re making a “baby name list” and checking out combined bedroom ideas. Sigh.


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About J.C. Hannigan

25. Mother. Wife. Lover of words. Weaver of stories. My first book, Collide, is available in e-book for Amazon Kindle and Kobo.
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