There are people who would pity me, pity us. They would look at our situation and their lips would fall in a straight line and they would get that sympathetic look in their eyes as they thanked God they weren’t in our situations. They feel bad for us that we aren’t able to spoil each other with materialistic things and go out on extravagant dates with one another. They would be thankful that they had done it right, that they had gone to school, got careers, saved up for a house, got married and then had the kids. They would be convinced that our marriage – our life together – would end up failing because we didn’t wait.
But we don’t have to wait, we’ve never had to wait. We’re writing our own songs, singing loudly and off key and happily. We’re dancing together, smiling together, playing together. We’re living, sure we aren’t going on trips to Egypt and Paris and Nepel and he hasn’t bought me a new sports car or anything, but in my mind…those are just things. I’ve heard of people using materialistic objects to bring zest back into their lives, into their love, and it makes me rather sad. Why can’t they just sing a song? An off key song?
As we keep singing our off key song, we grow happier. Sure, we have our moments where we don’t feel much like singing, where things get to be too great, too big and just too complicated for us to handle, but by bedtime we are always singing. Perhaps it has something to do with our nightly ritual, which now includes a very remarkable little being. Perhaps it has something to do with kissing his soft, plump little cheeks and lips as we lay him down for a good nights’ rest in the bedroom that we decorated with teddy bear wall stickers from the Dollarstore and hand-me-down items from loving friends and family. Perhaps it’s those moments that happen every night that allow us to each crawl into bed with huge, goofy smiles on our face and fold into eachothers arms and talk for hours about how amazing our life is.
To those people that would feel sorry for us, I am sad. I am sad because I am happy, so happy, and I don’t care if we have nothing but each other…the three of us together is the best kind of everything I could ever ask for. Even if we sat on the floor, entertaining ourselves with stories and songs and laughter for the rest of our lives. Even if we rented a house forever, or never got high paying careers and 70 hour a week jobs.
I love our life. He loves our life. And although we have things we wish we could improve on, the fact that we’re together and in love and that we have our son, our gorgeous, beautiful baby boy just fills the things we could improve on with such bright light that we can’t even see the things we can improve on anymore because there is just so many things that we don’t have to improve on.
Tomorrow is the day we hear back from genetics about Nolan’s results. My fingers are crossed that he didn’t inherit my MHE. I don’t want him to suffer the same insecurities that I did growing up, and I certainly don’t want to see him in pain or watch him go through multiple surgeries trying to get the pain under control.